Addiction & Recovery | Robsten

I | Love & Fame

Kristen's Pov;

     Michael Angarano was my first real boyfriend. We met when I was thirteen going on fourteen and he had just turned seventeen. My parents had always maintained a very laid-back parenting style when it came to me. As far back as I could remember they let me make my own decisions, within reason of course, and encouraged me to be myself in its truest form no matter what. They were my guides, not my prison guards. They let me explore my own interests and didn't put any pressure on me to only be who they wanted me to be or to follow any of society's natural rules. They let me make my own way in the world and choose my own destiny. So, with their blessing Michael and I let our relationship blossom both under and hidden from the public eye. It was a teenage dream come true for the both of us. He was older than me, but he treated me like his equal. He was honest, respectful, and kind. Everything a girl could want in a first boyfriend. He didn't abuse the power that came with his being four years my senior at all during our relationship. He was hot and sweet and funny and talented. We grew our acting careers together working on low-budget indie films and we led a mostly low-profile life so we could have the luxury of just being normal teenagers when we were together off-screen. Our idyllic romance was composed of sloppy make out sessions on couches, smoking pot on front porches and out of bedroom windows, holding hands on long walks, piggy-back rides, stupid jokes, free styling sessions on our guitars, and sneaking off to hidden locations to play up the adrenaline rush we got every moment we spent together. We got our first apartment away from our parents together as a couple, it was his apartment technically, his name was on the official lease, but he made it feel like ours. When we traveled apart for movie roles we made it work by visiting each other everywhere we went. He knew all of my friends and I knew all of his. We met each others families. We went on typical dates together, and not so typical dates for movie premieres and press tours and interviews. When we had sex for the first time it was my first time ever, his second. Although it was physically known as the loss of my virginity, it didn't and never would feel like a loss to me. I was both deeply and madly in love with him. I believed I always would be as any hormone infested young girl would. The physical connection we had in our later teen years only made our relationship more intense and beautiful. The two of us grew up together, we entered adulthood together, inseparable, it would seem. But things aren't always exactly what they seem. Sometimes things happen, people change, lives transform. That's what happened to Michael and I when I was cast in the role of Bella Swan in the Twilight series. From that moment on nothing would be the same, not for me.

     I shot to stardom. I became widely known and semi-widely loved. I had made a name for myself and solidified my career in acting. Most significant and life-changing of all, I met Robert Douglas Thomas Pattinson. He was a gorgeous twenty-one year old English man with a impressive history in both modeling and acting. He was incredibly talented, yet I could tell he doubted himself very much. Still, I knew from the moment that I met him he was right for the part of my Edward Cullen. I knew he was too insecure to truly fight for the role he deserved the way it needed to be fought for, so I took it upon myself to fight the much needed battle for him. I made it my own personal mission to get him cast as the leading man opposite to me in the much anticipated Twilight films. I would not do the series without them. If I was Bella, he was Edward. I would not allow another man to take his place. I couldn't. Later on down the road, he told me that he had almost gave up acting before he got the call that changed his mind, the call to tell him that he had gotten the part as Edward Cullen. He was so thankful for what I had done for him and vowed to do the same for me should the opportunity present itself. He said he would fight for me when I needed him most and he stayed true to that promise. We became close friends as we bonded on set day in and day out. We had fun together, we made each other laugh, we practiced scenes together, went over our lines together, and made work into play. That's when I realized, near the end of us filming our first of many Twilight movies together, we were doing all the same things I did with Michael when we first met. The tabloids caught on shortly after I had made the realization myself. It seemed there was always someone, some journalist, or magazine publisher, who just had to narrate my private life to the world for me. It was a part of being famous. There was always bad that came with the good. It was a part of life. Rumors began flying around to any place in the world rumors could be spread to. News, Magazines, Articles on web pages, you name it. We were everywhere. The movie release added fuel to an already massive blazing fire and even more so did the promotional tours. We were great friends, I had said at the time, we leaned on each other for support, we were coworkers, professionals. It didn't matter what I said. Deep down inside I knew the truth, that I had a massive crush on my gorgeous Brit of a best friend. At the time I wondered, but I didn't know for sure, If he felt it too. Still, I loved my longtime boyfriend. Loved him enough to stay with him even after realizing my budding feelings for another man. That was a first mistake of many for me when it came to my newfound delicate mix of love and fame.