Recover, Rebuild [Solby]

Chapter 5

"You remember," Colby whispered again, "Why didn't you say anything?"

Sam blinked, before looking down at his hands. "I didn't think it was important," He said, "I was drunk, you were drunk. It just happened."

Of course that's what he would say. It was what Colby had wanted to believe, needed to believe because it couldn't mean anything more because that would mean... "Yeah," Colby leaned forward towards Sam, not letting him escape with just that excuse, "because everyone just casually kisses their best friend after asking him to fuck them." Sam colored, but still held his silence, refusing to meet Colby's eyes. 

Colby's heart beat hard in his chest, his stomach doing flip-flops. This was not the scenario he had drafted in his head, these were not the words he had prepared. It seemed, like so many other time, he and Sam were going off script, with no idea where the conversation would end.

Hopefully, like so many of their videos, somewhere good.

Sam was silent for too long. He wasn't trying to run, like Colby had pictured and feared, but the silence was almost worse. He could take a frustrated or angry Sam. Had before. This was new territory.

"I don't..." Sam started quietly, looking at Colby with a bewildered look on his face. He seemed as though he was going to continue, but words seemed to fail him, and his face fell again to his hands.

Colby sighed, "Sam, just..." Sam looked at him, and Colby continued. "What are we doing, Sam?" Colby asked helplessly.

Sam shrugged, face looking pensive and concerned, and Colby could practically see the thoughts running back and forth in his head.

"I mean," Colby gestured wordlessly again. "This isn't what best friends do! Right? This isn't..." His voice faltered at a sudden spike in tension. He couldn't read Sam's silence and did not want to just blurt out hey! I think I'm in love with you!

Sam's hands were twitching, and a guarded look had taken up residence on his face. "I mean, I was drunk," Sam said, flipping his hands palm up for a second in exasperation. "I was drunk, and horny, so excuse me if I thought getting you off would be unwanted."

Defensiveness roared up in Colby chest at Sam's tone. "It wasn't, Sam," Colby retorted, pressing his hands against his face. "That's not the problem."

"Was it that I asked you to fuck me, is that where you're getting hung up?" Sam fired back, and there was something behind the aggression, something Colby couldn't quite read, as Sam moved closer to him, getting into his face.

"That wasn't it either." This was quickly getting out of Colby's control, and his terse control on the tone of his voice started to falter. "Trust me, I would have loved to."

"They why didn't you?" Sam snapped, moving his arms in frustration as he glared into Colby's eyes.

"Because you were drunk, Sam!" Colby yelled finally, "I wasn't going to fuck you for the first time while you were drunk!"

"Why not?" Sam snarled, and his face was red, as his blue eyes challenged him to back down. "I'm your friend, we're getting each other off every other day, why not just fuck me?"

Colby's face was hot, and he was in Sam's face, and this was the closest he had been since he almost... "Because you mean more to me than just a fuck, dammit!"

"Why?" Sam demanded, and suddenly Colby noticed moisture in Sam's eyes, as his face got red and emotional. "Because we're just friends? Because 'best friends' don't do this?"

"Because this was never about me!" Colby cried, and his hand had landed in Sam's hair at some point, fingers worrying the strands, "Because I was supposed to be helping you deal with what I did! Because I wasn't supposed to..." His voice faltered, and he dropped his hand, looking anywhere but Sam's face.