The Certainty (Book Four in The Illusion of Certainty Series)

Till Kingdom Come, Pt. 2

Just remember...you asked for this. And now, the conclusion to The Illusion of Certainty series. 

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I woke up to gulls calling and waves crashing. My hand curled around the edge of the comforter. I could feel it, that emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want to open my eyes, less what I felt be true. My chin began to tremble, the tears welling underneath my closed eyes.

“Michael?” I called out.

But only silence answered me. I bit the inside of my bottom lip and called out for him in my mind. But again only silence answered me. I pressed the corner of the comforter to my face, unable to keep the cries on the inside anymore. 

Michael was gone.

And he was blocking me out.

The bond was open on my end but he had the door firmly closed on his. I finally opened my eyes, sunlight lighting up the room.

I sat up slowly, my whole body trembling.

“Georgiana.”

I closed my eyes and the trembling just got worse.

“What are you doing here, Max?”

“Raphael sent me.”

I opened my eyes and looked at him. “I’m not in the mood to hear what you or Raphael has to say.”

“He wants you to know how…”

“Please. Raphael doesn’t know how to feel sympathy. Or sadness. Or anything.”

“He does send his empathy, Georgie. He doesn’t like seeing you in pain and for that matter neither do I.”

“Get out.”

“If I could change this I would.”

“Max…”

“It’s for the best.”

I looked up at him. “How?”

He wouldn’t meet my eyes. “It just is.”

“I’ve said more goodbyes…my heart can’t take anymore. I’m in pieces, Max. The metaphorical pain is now physical, real. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. I don’t want to talk to you.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the tears from falling. “Raphael took the last thing in my life that was good. The last thing that made me happy. I’ve lost enough. I don’t want anything to do with you. Or Raphael. I want Michael. And unless you can give him to me, I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“You’re not always going to feel this way.”

“Well until that time comes, and I can promise you it won’t, don’t come near me. Because I will kill you. I’ll find a way. I swear.”

Max looked at me briefly and in his eyes I did see compassion. But I didn’t want or need his sympathy. I wanted and needed Michael. He could choke on his sympathy for all I cared.

As if he could hear my thoughts he nodded and in a blink of an eye he was gone. My frame sagged and I closed my eyes. Grief rose to the surface, choking off my airway.

Michael. Please talk to me.

I got nothing. I laid back down, pulling the comforter up under my chin. I cried myself back to sleep.

When I woke up thirty minutes later, I dragged myself out of bed. I got showered and dressed. I packed my bags and took them downstairs. I was moving around and I didn’t know how I was doing it. I went upstairs and into Michael’s room.

A sad smile crossed my face when I saw what awaited me on the long dresser where his leather bag used to sit.

An envelope with my name sat propped up by a box with a picture of a snow globe on it. I grabbed both and sat down on the bed. I sat the box down next to me and opened the envelope.

Αγάπη,

There are so many things I want to tell you. So many truths I want to write down. But I don’t think there’s enough paper in the world to write it all. You’re sleeping next to me right now. At this moment you’re completely at peace. I know it won’t last long; you’ll wake up, become conscious to the world, and find me gone. I didn’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave. I want you next to me forever. I want us to have days like we did yesterday everyday.

I want us to have everything. Together. But circumstances have demanded other things from us. For some reason we are meant to be apart instead of together. I’ve found love only to have it ripped away. It’s not fair and I know how hard it will be for you to accept. This is why I’ve chosen to block off my end of the bond. I know what Jon said and I know this will hurt you more than anything else. I don’t take pleasure in causing you pain. We’ll both be in pain. We’ll both be hurting. I can’t help you with it, even though I wish I could.

Just know that I love you.

I’ll love you forever.

You are the light and the color in my world. Without you nothing will have meaning. And until we’re together again, I’ll miss you. Every day, every minute, every second.

I love you.

-Michael

 

My tears poured down my face, the pain in my chest unbearable. I looked into the envelope and found several pictures placed inside. I took them out finding the two I’d taken of him and another. I saw the back first and written in black permanent marker were the words:

Us

‘Til Kingdom Come

I flipped over the picture and found an image of us, forever preserved on film. Our lips forever locked in an eternal kiss.

That’s the image I would carry with me forever.

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Music Selection: Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch