During the following days, Jinyoung had come to learn a lot about Mark. Because Mark had come to his apartment as frequently as possible. Jinyoung was jobless at the moment, as he was still inquiring about another studio job in the city.
"Why are you being like that?" Jinyoung had once asked Mark when they were taking a walk around the neighbourhood.
"It's a long history actually. Mainly because of my family problems."
"Do you want to talk about it to me? It is okay if you don't want to."
Mark fell into a silence.
"I want to. I want you to understand me. If loving someone involves understanding them."
"I may be listening to you only as a friend," retorted Jinyoung.
Mark just smiled with amusement.
"It's okay, I want to talk about it anyway."
Thus, a long story started.
"When I became friends with Wonpil during the college days, I was just as simple as him. Maybe, that was why we became friends."
Jinyoung couldn't imagine Mark as another version of Wonpil, but it made him feel more interested in why Mark had changed then.
"Since the highshool days, I was given scars concerned with my family. My father is an ignorant man, who only knows about his own business. Because of that, they had a lot of quarrels, my parents, I mean. My fellow classmates might have been envious of my life because my father was a successful businessman and we were rich. But no one else knew that domestic violence that had been happening too often in our family."
By that point, they had come to the junction of the street, where there were trees and benches, and with a natural tendency, they chose to sit on a bench under an old tree.
"But still, I could endure it, knowing that it was still a family. They didn't stop those fights though. When I was a third year student in the college, I came to learn that my mother was cheating behind my father's back," Mark paused, tears starting to fill his eyes and he blinked them away quickly.
"It's okay if you don't want to continue," Jinyoung placed his hand on Mark's back to rub it soothingly.
"I'll never forget that day. I was really overjoyed that whole day because our basketball team had won a gold medal, I was the captain of the team. As soon as the match ended, I went to the apartment where my mother sometimes stayed to relax alone. Because she had been there for two days already and I knew she would be there. Can you imagine what I saw there? When I rang the doorbell, it was a man who opened the door, and then she came out of the room. Everything, everything went down at that moment. She tried to lie at first, but when I did not believe her words, she admitted that it was true. And she blamed all on my father. What broke my heart, was that my father knew all about it but would not care a bit. Then I realised that I had been living under some delusion that it was still a family. But no, it was just strangers living under the same roof. After I was graduated, they divorced. But it was not a shock to me. I had expected this since I discovered the truth. My mother left to America and she is now remarried to the man I had once seen with her. My father knew only to support me with money; no passion, no love and no caring was there. I moved out of the house, and he bought me a mansion. And two years were enough to make me become a nasty person when everyday where I went, was nightclubs. He tried to put me in a director position of his another company but my mind was filled with the passion of rebellion, and I refused it everytime he tried to convince me to take that position."
"Your mother, does she still contact you?"
"Sometimes. She's happy with him, so she says."
"You're just destroying yourself for spite."
Mark looked at Jinyoung, who seemed to be in a pensive thinking. He reached for Jinyoung's hand, which was on his lap, and squeezed it. He had no permission to do so, but he just felt like it. But Jinyoung didn't struggle.
"What do you want me to become like?"
Jinyoung turned to Mark as their eyes were locked.
"It's not about me. Your parents must not want you to be like this."
Mark let out a sigh.
"I don't care about them. They don't care about me, either."
Jinyoung shook his head, and he looked down at Mark's hand clasping his. And as gesture of comfort, his another hand covered Mark's. The latter smiled contently.
"It's just what you think. You can't just understand them, I reckon."
"Then what should I do?"
"It's what you have to consider yourself. You can't just be like that for your whole life."
Mark fell into a pensive silence, but then he glanced at their overlapping hands.
"Before, I did not mind if I was going to be just like that for my whole life. But you want me to change. I have someone to love now, and I feel there is more meaning in my life. Something like hope, and something I can look forward to."
"What if I can't love you back? I can't guarantee that I'll certainly love you back. But even then, as a friend, I can suggest you like that, right?"
"I love you, Jinyoung. We never got along, but I have always had that feeling that we are meant for each other. Like something is always pulling us together. I hope this is not a delusion."
Jinyoung felt something deep in his heart at those words. Something so deep that it almost hurt him. He didn't want to look at Mark because his eyes would reveal it all. Even now, he did not want to look weak in front of Mark. Maybe it was a kind of pride. But he wanted Mark to understand him.
Jinyoung withdrew both of his hands, and stood up.
"We should go back, now. The night is falling."
Mark stood up to his feet as well, and his hand searched for Jinyoung's to hold it. Jinyoung gave him a questioning glance.
"Just for a while. I think I need strength at this moment when I have just made a decision. To see whether it will turn out well, I need the comfort from you."
"What's it?"
"It's highly possible that I'm going to ask a position in another company of my father's."
"Right. I think you need to settle down," said Jinyoung, warmly.
Mark's lips turned into an amused smile.
"You think so? I was thinking it would be better if it was with you."
"You're always hoping so high."
"I thought you wanted me to hope high for my future."
"Yes, it's for your future. But not concerned with me. I don't want to give you too much hope, when I'm not sure myself."
"I'll live for that dream of you loving me back, even if it will never come true."
The atmosphere got intensified, and Jinyoung laughed it away.
"I've never known you'll be that passionate and emotional."
"You'll learn that side of me more then," said Mark, with amusement in his voice.
"Stop! You're getting chessy."
But both laughed afterwards, Mark squeezing Jinyoung's in his.
