Alpine || Mystical Journal

I. Dont. Know.

I haven't really been ambitious for the Subliminals lately. I don't have any drive, inspiration, or anything anymore. Listening to them has become more of a burden like, 'crap, I have to listen to my subliminals,' instead of being happy about it. It's like burnout or such, both of my subliminals I haven't seen any progress whatsoever in, I know it takes time and it starts to work differently for everyone, but I haven't had any phantom limbs at all for the wolf shifter, if I have then it was mistaken for a Therian shift, and I should've gotten any results for the aerokenisis sub too. I go outside and practice but nothing at all happens. A few times the wind would move but I'm sure it was coincidence.

I am not leaving the mythical community, so don't worry, or get your hopes up, I'm aware it takes years for a shifter subliminal to work but, come on, I should've had a bit of progress by now. I don't get visions like everyone else, I don't get specific dreams, nothing is working. I think I'll listen to the Subliminals for the rest of the year even though I'm sure nothing will come out of it. Once they show nothing more I'll switch them, I already have a wolf subliminal in mind but I'm not sure about Aerokenisis. I've stopped obsessing about which was what I thought my problem was, I barley even think about it anymore, instead of seeing them as something that can turn me into something better than I am now I just see them as a burdening, boring song I have to listen to on repeat. On top of that I'm struggling with personal stuff more and more and it's not only affecting my mental health, but my physical health and my relationship with friends and family as well. Everywhere I go I have to out on this 'persona' that I'm fine and happy and everything's okay when it's not, I can't go to anyone because I'm worried how they'll react and I'm generally not ready just yet to explain what's going on offline because I've already built this persona of me being happy and that is so far from what I am. Maybe in the future, sooner or later depending on the reaction/comments of this chapter, I'll explain everything, trying to be positive and happy-go-lucky all the time is really eating away at my mentality, I hate that I sound like I'm complaining because I don't want you all to see me as someone who's broken and wants attention, that why I try to be positive and not focus on negative thing like all the shit that I've gone and am going through. I don't want to be remembered as an 'attention whore' but someone who overcame all her issues. Sorry that that got deep.

The long and short of it is that I might stop listening for subliminals for a bit, if anyone can offer help or mabye tips on how they succeeded in there own goals then that would help a lot. Especially if it has anything to do with Shifting or Lycan things.

I'm sorry about complaining, but I just need help and less things to worry about. Thank you for reading, I'm not going anywhere I promise! I'll never leave y'all. But I've got to go, so, see ya later 💛.