Sins of the Flesh

CHAPTER NINE-- Anachronistic

"Question the word or you'll never see the glory."

"Mrs. Stockley?" Oliver calls, knocking softly on the doorway to the guidance counselor's office.

"Hi. Yes? Hi!" the small woman with small, round eyes greets him. Her smile is small but cheery.

Oliver pokes his head into the room, looking around at all of the books she keeps on hand. His grip on his school bag tightens.

"I didn't, um, I didn't know if I needed to make an appointment or if I could just walk in like-"

"Oh no, have a seat, have a seat," she urges, gesturing to one of the chairs in front her desk. "Students are welcome in here whenever they need."

Swallowing, Oliver forces himself to step inside and close the door behind him. He's completely ready to bolt at a moment's notice because the idea of actually having a conversation about all of this is absolutely terrifying. Sadly, even though he's so nervous that his stomach clenches, he knows he needs to talk to someone and he knows that someone needs to be an adult. As he reluctantly sits in the uncomfortable chair, he's reminded of his hysterics last night outside his car. He had been so distraught that Blake had to be the one to drive his car and take them back into Arnold. Oliver had nearly had a panic attack at the idea of walking into his parents' house and pretending that everything was normal. It had taken Blake's strong arms around him and twenty minutes of hushed, sweet, nonsense in his ear to calm him.

That's when he knew that he had to talk to someone.

"Oliver, right?" Mrs. Stockley asks. "You're in Drama Club?"

"Y-yes, ma'am," Oliver stutters.

"You didn't get anyone pregnant, did you?" she asks in horror, eyes widening even more if such a thing is physically possible.

"W-what? No, I've never even – no. I didn't – no. No one's pregnant. That I know of, anyway," Oliver replies.

"Oh good," she sighs in relief, hand on her chest. "That's good. Well then, what was it you needed to talk about?"

Oliver holds onto his bag in his lap, as if the object itself can protect him from any fears he might have. He hangs his head because, for some reason, it's hard to say this out loud while looking someone else in the eye.

"I...need some guidance," he says slowly.

"Well you've come to the right place," she says excitedly.

He wonders how often she actually gets students to come into her office that aren't worried about their popularity status or teen pregnancy because she seems far too keen.

"I – I don't know how to-"

Oliver takes a deep breath and sighs, the breath hot and frustrated as it leaves his lips.

She pauses, causing Oliver to look up, and he sees that she's giving him some sort of once over, as if she's trying to determine the problem by studying his appearance alone. He supposes his hunched shoulders and the dark circles under his eyes lead her to believe that the situation is much more serious than she had initially thought. Mrs. Stockley stands, moving from behind her desk, and takes a delicate seat in the chair next to him.

"Take your time," she says softly. "A lot of times it's hard to find a starting point, but it'll get easier to talk once you've begun."

Oliver nods and fiddles with a buckle on one of the pockets of his school bag.

"I-" he nearly chokes, "I come from a really religious family," he begins because really, that seems to be where the problem stems for him. "I've attended church every Sunday since before I can remember."

"What denomination?" the counselor asks, beginning a dialogue.

"Baptist," Oliver tells her. "I guess we're, um, really fundamental. I don't know. It's just the way I was raised."

"Of course," Mrs. Stockley says.

"And recently, I – I found out that my best – my best friend is...gay."

"...Can I make a guess and ask if this friend is Blake Whyler?"

Oliver stares, unblinking. "How did you-"

"I see you two in the hallways a lot," she says with a smile. "And he's the only student I know in this school that's gay."

"Oh. Right. Yes, well, it's Blake. And this past weekend, I found out that he's...and it's – it's really hard for me to..."

"To reconcile your religious beliefs with his sexual orientation?"

"He's my friend," Oliver says dejectedly. "He's my best friend and I want – but all my life I've been taught that it's wrong, that it's a sin. And my mom, she keeps comparing homosexuals to drug addicts and murderers and all she does is tell me to pray for people like him or try and convert him but that's never gonna work because Blake doesn't even believe in God and we've argued about that point a lot but we've sort of come to an understanding about it. But then he tells me it isn't a choice and that he's just born that way but I've always been told the opposite and that people choose to be like that and everything's so mixed up and I don't – I don't know what to believe anymore."

Wow, Oliver thinks. She was right. It's so much easier to open up once you get going.

"Gosh, that's quite a predicament," Mrs. Stockley responds in a high voice.

"Yeah," Oliver mumbles.

"Can I ask you a question, Oliver?"

"...Sure."

"Is that the only reason that you're struggling? Is Blake the only reason that you're finding it hard to deal with? There isn't a reason that's, say, closer to home?"

She's looking at him with these big, doe eyes and if Oliver wasn't so terrified of the truth, he'd be laughing right now because Blake had been right, she does sort of remind him of Bambi.

"N-no," he lies. "That's the only reason."

"Okay," she says, nodding decisively. "So it seems like there's a clash of perspectives. You know what perspectives are, I'm guessing?"

"Um...like...point of views? Like in books and stuff?"

"It can be seen that way, yes. But perspectives, they're much more detailed. Think of a perspective like a lens. Like a pair of glasses! Only, they're not just for your eyes. A perspective is a way of seeing your world around you."

"Like a filter?" Oliver guesses.

"Pretty much," Mrs. Stockley says with a smile. "Now, your perspective is going to be different from mine. I don't think anyone in the world has exactly the same perspective. Can you guess why?"

"Because...we're not all from the same place?"

"Exactly," she says encouragingly. "You and I don't share the same perspective because we were raised differently. We were raised in different parts of the country, in different families, with different beliefs and values. It's the same reason that people in other parts of the world eat different foods or like different kinds of entertainment. We were all raised in different cultures."

"Okay," Oliver nods. Yes. Right. This is easy to understand and it's almost like common sense. But it's such common sense that it's one of those things he never really thought about.

"Now, perspectives don't just include the way our parents raised us. It starts off that way because our families are the first people we come into contact with, they're the first people we learn anything from. They teach us to walk and talk, they tell us that we'll burn ourselves if something's hot and they take care of us when we're sick. But, as you get older, there are lots of other things influencing our perspectives."

"Because we meet other people," Oliver concludes.

"You bet. We meet our parent's friends, we make friends in preschool and elementary school and high school. We meet people at church, on the street, in a store. Beyond that, we watch movies, we watch TV, and we listen to music. We meet like minded people and we meet people who believe differently than us. We meet people who agree with things like...oh I don't know, abortion. But then we meet people who disagree with abortion. And all of these things, everything we see, everything we hear, everything we learn, influences our perspectives."

"Okay, so...Blake and I have different perspectives because we were raised differently."

"Mhmm. You were raised in a home with...both parents, I'm guessing?"

"Yeah."

"You were raised in a home with both parents who encouraged you to go to church. They established certain things, taught you to believe in God, and gave you certain ideals that Blake never had to adhere to. He was raised in a different home, mostly by his father after the death of his mother. But they raised him to believe different things."

"But then...which perspective is right?" Oliver asks because that's really what he needs to know.

Mrs. Stockley gives him a sad, yet understanding sort of smile.

"That's the question everyone wants the answer to," she says. "Who is right? Who is wrong? Personally, I don't believe that either one is more right or wrong than the other. But, as humans like to do, we want to be right. We want to think that our way, whatever that way may be, is the right one, the correct one. The problem is that no one knows."

"But if no one knows, then how-"

"I think...that there are things that you have to learn on your own. One day, you're not going to live with your parents anymore. One day, you're going to be out from under their wing and you're going to take whatever knowledge you have and you're going to have to adapt it to whatever world you're in. You're going to have to learn to think for yourself. And, for you, I think that time might start now. Here, in this office, on this day, at this moment."

Oliver sits back in his chair. Never once, never once had his parents given him that idea. Of course, he knew he was going to be out of their house and in the world one day and he knew that he'd have to come to his own conclusions about certain things and do stuff on his own. But he...had always asked them. He asks them what is right, he asks them what is wrong, he asks them what to think when he's confused and they always tell him whatever they believe. If they don't have an answer, they ask him to turn to God.

"What about the Bible?" Oliver blurts. "The Bible says that being gay is a sin."

"And you put a lot of stock in the Bible, am I right?"

"Well, yeah."

"And why do you put a lot of stock in the Bible?"

"Because-"

Because my parents told me to.

"Because it's the word of God."

"That's exactly what your parents have taught you. And that's exactly what you've learned in church. And that's what you believe."

"But-"

"There's nothing wrong with that," Mrs. Stockley adds. "There's nothing wrong with having faith in God and there's nothing wrong with looking for answers in the Bible."

Okay.

Now he's just confused again.

"But Oliver, you do have to remember when the Bible was written. And you have to remember that, while it is said to be God's word, it is God's word through man. And humans aren't infallible, no matter how great, no matter how smart, no matter how worthy they may seem. Not to mention, think of how many times the Bible has been translated. The Bible wasn't initially written in English. Words and phrases back then had a different meaning. The Bible was written by people who had entirely different perspectives than our own and those perspectives are historically contextual. Can you tell me exactly what phrase you're thinking of when you say that being gay is a sin? Any single one?"

"If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death."

"And that specific phrase is from a certain version of the Bible isn't it?"

"Well...yeah, but even in other versions it's still the same message."

"Mhmm. But what I'm trying to get at is the fact that there are differences; different translations, different words. Not to mention, the Bible has rules about haircuts. And about planting your crops. And it says it's okay to sell your children into slavery."

"But that part's from-"

"From a time that we no longer live in," Mrs. Stockley finishes for him with a slow nod. "Exactly. The Bible was written at a time when certain things were acceptable that aren't acceptable today and vice versa. Back then, you have to remember that they were trying to populate the Earth and spread certain beliefs and values. A man who has sexual relations with another man doesn't lead to childbirth, which doesn't lead to spreading those values. Really, the phrase could have various meanings. To you, it means that being gay is wrong in the eyes of God."

Oliver falls silent, turning the information over in his head. All his life, the Bible has been the word of God. All his life, the Bible has been right.

"There are many things the Bible says you shouldn't do, but when applied to this era, to this culture, they seem silly. And we ignore plenty of those things."

So why shouldn't we ignore this?

Oliver nearly falls out of his chair.

"If you believe in what the Bible says, then you believe what the Bible says. But...is it right to pick and choose? Is it right to believe one thing and not another?"

"I...don't know."

The guidance counselor smiles at him indulgently. "Which is why I think you need to think for yourself. Realize what your parents taught you, realize what your church has taught you, but also take keep in mind that there are other perspectives. There are other lenses. And right now, I think you're seeing everything through your parents' perspectives." She leans over and places a gentle hand atop Oliver's, which clutches at his bag until his knuckles turn white. "So take your time, study, learn, and come up with your own perspective. Because you have to see the world through your own eyes and no one else's."

Nodding, Oliver stands and Mrs. Stockley retracts her hand.

"Thank you," Oliver says softly.

"You're quite welcome. And if you have any other questions or any problems, feel free to come back."

"I will."

With that, he leaves, head spinning with thoughts, contradictions, and the idea that maybe no one sees anything through rose-colored lenses because the lenses themselves are relative. They are relative to each country, each culture, each society, each institution, each family, and each individual.