"Love repents a multitude of sins."
The road to love is filled with quite a large amount of patience. You must be patient and wait for the right person to stumble into your path. You must be patient with them when they appear, dance that infuriating yet wonderfully exciting dance to catch one another's hearts. You must also be patient with them until there is a sort of mutual agreement as to where things are headed.
Blake feels as if he has been patient for a very long time. He also feels as if he has suffered enough in his life and feels like maybe he deserves a bit of happiness now.
One of the happiest days of Blake's life occurred when he came out to his father, only to have his father accept him for everything he is.
Another occurred one month ago when Oliver had admitted that he loved Blake. To be pining for someone for so long, to wish for someone so many times and then come to find out that they've been pining for you as well is utterly remarkable.
It's kind of fantastic.
Well, it's fantastic on one level and undeniably maddening on another.
Blake is trying to be patient, he really, really is. But it's becoming more difficult day by day to sit next to Oliver or walk beside him and not reach out to hold his hand. Oh they hold hands quite a bit in private. The thing is, private to them at this point exclusively means in the car. At no other time are they completely alone. Blake knows not to reach for Oliver's hand when they're sitting in the coffee shop or anytime when they're in school, even if they're alone in a room. He knows that Oliver is terrified of someone walking in and discovering their secret. He knows that Oliver doesn't entirely comprehend his own emotions. He knows that Oliver is struggling with his own identity because Blake has been there too. Well, he was never there on the same level that Oliver seems to be on considering his religious family and disapproving friends. But he does know what it feels like to doubt everything and wish life had turned out a little different, a little easier to bear.
The bad thing about this understanding stuff is that, because Blake has already been there, he is beyond being worried about what other people might think.
Whereas Oliver is not.
In fact, Blake doesn't even know if they're actually in a relationship. Yes, they are friends. They're very close friends who have admitted to loving each other, friends who occasionally hold hands when they're completely alone.
But...they haven't even kissed again.
While Oliver is dealing with his self-identity crisis, Blake is driving himself crazy thinking that he's wanting too much too soon.
The first week after break, once they were back on their normal school schedules, Blake had cherished the long, precious bits of silence between the two of them at the coffee shop. Those silences had been filled with barely disguised love and joy, basking in the glory of young, heart-palpitating emotion. Electricity would thrum steadily in his veins when Oliver reached for his hand once they climbed into one of their cars in the afternoon. The thrill of secrecy, of first-time love had been enough to keep Blake ecstatic those first few weeks.
Now, even though it's only been a month, Blake can't stare at Oliver too long over their coffee cup without turning away because he's scared he's won't be able to control himself. He's scared he's going to leap over the table and claim Oliver's lips in a fierce, possessive kiss. He's scared he's going to hold Oliver's hand too tightly in the car to keep himself from doing something that will scare him away.
And he can't do that to Oliver. He can't do that when he knows how confused and lost he is. He can't do that because he doesn't own Oliver, he doesn't own his body or his heart or his mind. He just – he wants to touch. He wants to slide his fingers into Oliver's hair, he wants to kiss him, and he wants to show him just how beautiful physical love can be. He wants to show him that affection shouldn't be feared, he wants to show him that it's okay to feel.
YOU ARE READING
Sins of the Flesh
RomanceI'm sorry I am not made perfectly in your image. But maybe I wasn't supposed to be. --- He still prays every night. He still attends church every Sunday. He still believes. But he still cannot tell himself that he's gay. He can't write it. He ca...
