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VIII » feelings

chapter eight • feelings

WARNING: this chapter starts off from before where the last chapter ended so calum xx THIS CHAPTER ALSO SUCKS LMAO OFF SOZ I WROTE IT IN LIKE AN HOUR

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"I hope you have feelings for me too." Calum sayed, in what rapidly making it hard to catch most of what he said. He was staring down at his hands, playing with the sleeves of his sweater.

After a moment of silence I spoke. "It doesn't matter."

"What?"

"It doesn't matter if I have feeling for you or not because Cianna has feelings for you. Even though she's pretty mad at me right now, I couldn't betray her like that, it's not right. Also there's Michael who would get mad at us if us happened. It's obvious we're not supposed to be anything more than friends."

"No, we shouldn't detain our could be relationship just because Michael has a crush on you and Cianna has a crush on me. I have absolutely no feeling for Cianna, none at all, she's a friend, and Michael... He can go fuck himself. Unless... You have feelings for him? Is that it?"

"No! No! I definitely have no feeling for Michael but the thing is I'm not sure if I have feelings for you either." I said and I could see his expression quickly drop. Although his eyes remained attached to mine, his lips formed a straight line, and his jaw hardened a little.

"Ella..." Calum said softly. I stared up at him and he gave a pensive look. Before I knew it he was leaning in, but to my own surprise I didn't stop him like I did Michael. I didn't cause a distraction like I did with Michael, I wanted this kiss, but I was scared ro admit it.

His lips met mine and moved ever-so-softly, synchronized with mine. His hand was on my back as he pushed me down softly so I was laying on my back on the couch, and he was hovering over me. I had my arms wrapped around his neck as the kiss deepend. This wasn't making out, it wasn't sloppy, rough, or meaningless. It was soft, passionate, meaningful. And as the continued, I didn't want it to stop.

But soon enough, Calum pulled away. For a minute, we stayed still as he stared directly into my eyes. "If you don't feel a thing for me, you wouldn't have let me do that." He whispered into my ear.

I pushed him off me slowly, so we were both sitting up again. "I... I don't know Calum. I don't want us to be a thing if everybody's gonna hate us."

"Why do you care so much what people think? If you're happy, and I'm happy... That's all that matters."

"Just let me sort things out, okay?"

"Okay."

With that I led Calum out of my apartment.

I sat on the couch and clutched my temples, as a million questions popped into my head.

Did I have feelings for Calum? Was it really worth being with Calum if I was loosing friends? How would Cianna and Michael react if they knew Calum and I were a thing?

I quickly stressed myself out, so I decided to try to stop thinking. To empty my mind of all these questions and do something else. So I began watching American Horror Story on Netflix, but I couldn't focus. I could't focus on anything that was happening, and I found myself getting lost in my own thoughts.

So I took five sleeping pills and in within five minutes I was knocked out.

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I stared at the two roses in my hand.

Could there be more than one person sending me these?

No, I told myself, It was a lot to think that even one person cared about me, I'd be flattering myself to think two people cared.