What He Made Me

Chapter 11 - Why?

Chapter 11 - Why?

As soon as the door shuts behind him, I let out a long shaky breath and sink to the floor. My hands are shaking uncontrollably and my head is spinning. But my body feels like it’s on some high, like I’m literally buzzing, such as you do in excitement. Though at the same time I feel warm and fuzzy. This is so strange.

 I take deep breathes as I try to calm myself. I quickly try to put a bit of order back to my thoughts, my mind is like scrambled egg. I locate little miss love-sick teen as she sighs happily, rocking back and forth, in the corner of my mind. Where as Rationality has her hands on her hips as she stares me down in anger and disappointment, screaming at me: WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

 I totally agree with her, I’m disappointed in myself. I let those feelings that are caused by the bond, that love-sick teen, control me. I let myself subside to her wants. I let him have that effect on me.

 But, next time I’ll be ready. I’ll fight that monster with all I have.

My hands have stopped shaking as much and I’m happy with my thought’s conclusion, just as Alana re-enters the room. She gives me a disappointed look as she sees me slumped on the floor.

 “Come now, we’ll have to skip breakfast, or you’re going to be late to your dress fittings.” 

And that it, no explanation, no apology, no ‘are you okay?’.  I had trusted this women, and look where it got me? I narrow my eyes at her, but pull together my dignity and rise of the floor, straightening out the dress.

 “Lead on.” My voice is taking on the steely harshness that Dante often uses, although not nearly as frightening. I had let this women in, let her see my hurt, my weakness. Not anymore. I’d be stupid and naïve. Thinking she actually cared for me!

 Stupid, Stupid Remmi.

 I pull my mask back upon my face and gather up my composure. I will be strong.  I won’t let this place tear me down, I won’t let these monsters get the better of me, I won’t let this new life change me.

 We walk in silence down the corridors, and I try to concentrate on the directions we take. For future reference. We walk down one long corridor; the one which I know holds my room as well as the living area we’d just been in. Then we turn and walk down another which is much shorter and come to a set of doors at the end. We walk through the doors into a sort of landing which holds a glossy black grand piano in the center. From the landing a white marble stair case curves of from either side and leads down to the floor below.

 We walk down the stairs and enter into what seems to be a grand ball room. The room is completely empty but I could picture the balls and parties which have been held here.

Women spinning around in beautiful ball gowns and men in black-tuxes bow and ask for a dance. Smiles from behind fans, with batting eye lashes. Deep belly laughs over expensive whiskey held in white gloved hands. Orchestrated music flows through the room caressing everyone in its soft embrace. Flirtatious giggles and knowing smiles. Secrets flooding from one mouth to another.  Expert dances of careful well-taught moves made in specific orders, accompanied by delicate touches of skin as the couple move together in sync with the flowing music.

 I spin around, taking in the room around me. The golden ceiling with its spell-binding decorations of religious like paintings of Goddesses and babies with wings. The long silk curtains which fall from the ceiling to frame each tall dark wooden door which provides an escape from this beautiful enchanting room. 

 Alana pulls me out of my fascinated daze as she calls to me from one of the many doors leading out the room.

 “My lady, we must move on.” Her voice is stern and I instantly up and follow her out the door. We walk through another wide corridor and then finally turn and enter into a room filled with thousands of dresses.