What He Made Me

Chapter 9 - Goddess of the Night

Dedicated to @amethystwolf for the amazing new cover!<3 

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Chapter 9 - Goddess of the Night:

‘This is your reality now, and at some point you will have to accept that fact’. Dante’s words repeat over and over, bouncing off the walls around me, screaming at me in the face. But he’s right, this is my reality now, and I have to deal with it.

I wipe away my tears, get off the bed and start pacing the length of the room. I need to get my head on straight. I’ve got the answers I needed, but those very answers made all my escape plans void.

How long had I been here? I quickly calculate in my head. My transformation must have been a couple of weeks or so over a month, then a couple weeks during my time grieving for my sister and then this eventful day. About 2 months then.

2 months. Hayley and John must be so worried… I sigh as I continue pacing; sifting through my thoughts, talking to myself internally. What am I going to do? I feel so disgusted with myself. I’m a bloody monster, a creature. I wonder if I even have a soul. Remmi died, Dante snapped her neck. So who am I?

Tears begin to fall, but I wipe them away quickly.

What happened to being strong!? You need to stop thinking like this Remmi. You are who you are.  I nod to myself in agreement with my thoughts. 

But i can't help but think that Riley would have dealt with all this so much better than I have. If it were her in my place, if it was her Danté saved, not I. She would never have been as weak as I have been. We were strong, we had to be. But she was always stronger.

I turn back to shifting through my thoughts but I’m just so confused; I really don’t know what I’m meant to do anymore. If I ran away from this place, if I even somehow managed it, I’d never be able to live out there on my own. I couldn’t go back to Hayley and John; I’m a vampire for Christ’s sake! I might hurt them. This thought saddened me, but I know I can never put their lives at risk like that.

Then, my only other choice would be to go it alone. But I’d never be able to do it, I know I’m strong, and maybe if I were human I could have it. But not now. I couldn’t live without human blood and since I could never hurt anyone in order to get the blood, I’d be pretty stuffed.

 I couldn’t exactly just walk into a hospital and demand a glass of blood, could I? In addition to that, there’s also the added factor of the fact that this stupid bond between that monster and I means I can’t be away from him, that I can’t survive without him! PLus theres the added factor of the fact that i wasn't even on Earth any more, and i have no idea how to get back. I groan in frustration but continue contemplating my options.

So escaping is out the window, and simply ending this excuse of a life is also not an option; they’d never let me get anywhere near death, and that would also go against everything my father taught me…so I’ve got to stay. But I wasn’t going to make it easy on them, any of them. Especial the biggest monster of them all, the one that stole my humanity away from me and made me a blood sucking monster like him!

I feel so much hatred towards him right then, but I can’t help but notice that nagging background emotion of longing for him, for his kiss, for his sweet caress. The part of me that wants to run into his arms like a love-sick teenager.

 It’s then that I realize that these emotions are not my own. I don’t feel this way for him, how could I possibly feel that way for him?

Therefore it has to be something to do with the bond he created or maybe this whole ‘mates’ notion he seems to be dead set on.  All day I’ve had conflicting emotions and urges to do things I don’t agree with, and now I know why. They weren’t my own emotions. I need to keep them in check, before they do any damage.