My Will To Live

CHAPTER 10-A Little Taylor Solves Everything Right?

Today. Otherwise known as the day where all hell breaks loose. For me anyway. I debated whether or not I should attempt an escape again. Because I seemed to attract bad luck like moths to a light, it was also a Sunday. As my parents aren't particularly religious-I believe if they even had a religion they would probably worship satan or something- we didn't need to go to church and this made it ten times worse. I was now officially stuck at home with them.

Oh the joy.

So what was I to do? Hide in bed until they came in and whipped me awake or get up now, make breakfast for them and hopefully soften the blow? Who was I kidding. I wasn't going to be able soften the blow. They were horrible people and now that I had made the decision against them, there was no telling what was their wrath.

Did I make the right decision? If it were a long time ago, I would have made the decision for my parents, not Taylor. But now all that remained seemed to be Taylor and music. So yes, I was basically putting my life out on the line for someone who I didn't know.

But I felt as if I did know her. She's been there for me when no one had. When my parents were abusing me, when my friends left me, when everything started to fall apart and everything went wrong, she was there. In music and in the words that went into my mind. She was also my one reminder that maybe there were indeed amazing people on planet earth.

I supposed it was worth it, and left it as that. It was a truly beautiful Sunday, and as it was, it was the calm before the storm. My parents had clearly been out as the house wasn't yet turned upside down and I wasn't yet left injured lying on the floor.

But like I said, it was the calm before the storm.

The moment they come back and I hear the door slam, I want to burrow into my bed and never come out. My heart rate picks up speed, and my breathing becomes ragged. Before I know it I'm having another panic attack. I wonder if they can hear my loud heartbeat. I feel as if whatever is going to happen will make me die. My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest at any given moment. I feel the tears well up in my eyes.

No! Not now! I can't show weakness!

It doesn't work. The tears leak out of my eyes anyway, and I start to cry. And I can't stop. I have the blanket balled up into my fists as I try to tell my frenzied heart to calm down. I try to focus on my breathing, but the sound of my parents' footsteps as they make their way to my bedroom just speeds my heart up faster.

When my parents arrive, I am a crying, scared wreck. For most of my life I've been forced to act nearly older than I am, just simply 13. For once in my life I feel helpless, defenseless. I don't feel like I can still turn to Taylor, I feel like there's really no one to save me. No one to save me as my father, a cruel smile lingering upon his lips, repeated his words from yesterday.

"Oh Margie," he slurs,"you have been an even badder girl than I expected. Do you know what really bad girls get? Really bad punishments!" As he roars the last bit he throws the bottle I didn't know he was holding across the room. The glass smashes into pieces, catching the light. For a moment I think they look pretty, reflecting the sunlight and looking like a beautiful rain of stars. That is, until one lands on me and scratches my skin. It instantly brings me back to reality. That the glass shards aren't pretty, that the drunkard currently standing in front of me wants to punish me, that I am merely a girl who is at the mercy of her cruel cruel parents.

I step back in response, edging around the glass, breath heaving in and out.

My mother brings the whip. I feel myself tremble, as more tears leak out of my eyes. My mother's only response is a cruel smirk as she brings it up.

It falls on my skin with a loud crack, hitting the area where the glass just scratched. It stings, it hurts. A lot.

"So you think you could get away with this? Huh? You worthless piece of shit! You think running away from us is gonna solve your problems? Well let me tell you this. You are in no way capable of surviving out there on your own, you understand? You can't. You won't. Why? Because you're so useless. You're too dumb and stupid to. I'm telling you Margie, you won't have even lasted a day, because you're just this silly waste of space on earth. Or better yet! Leave now! Die so that someone more useful than you can take your place!" My motheryells at me.

Maybe the cut hurts, but the words but more. And I can't help it. I flinch and start crying.

"What? You gonna cry to Taylor? Serves you right for making the wrong decision. Is Taylor gonna help you now? Huh? Is she?" She sneers.

I want to tell her Taylor will. I want to tell her that she's a pathetic excuse for a mother and that Taylor would make a mom ten times better than my mother now. I want to tell her how amazing Taylor is and how wonderful Taylor is and how my mother is such a sorry excuse for a human being.

But I can't. Why? Because I can't seem to find my voice. This panic attack is getting more and more out of hand.

I'm still crying when my mom storms out of the room. By the time she's done with me, I'm covered in fresh bruises and I can feel my entire body ache. I have no dinner or lunch and I haven't eaten all day. A dull ache in my stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten anything at all today.

I just hate my life. Alright?

I put my head in my hands, and for the rest of the night sobs rack my body. Maybe Taylor may be there for me in music, but my mom is right. I've never met her. She may help me through her music, but she won't be there to save me when I need it. Even when all I need is a hug.

A little Taylor Swift solves everything right? Wrong. It just lightens the blow, and for nights like these, Taylor just can't lift me up like she normally does.

She doesn't need to. I'm not worth it.

I just finished writing this in a fifteen minute intermission. It's more of a filler chapter really. Anyway, Taylor is about to make an appearance really really soon, just give me a couple more chapters. What do you think will happen to Margie? Do you think she'll survive her life with her parents? After reading this, do you still think she made the right decision? Next update on Sunday! 'Til then, see ya around.

Megan xx