My Will To Live

CHAPTER 14- Voices

"Taylor? Taylor!" I scream, panicked. I'm holding on tightly to my box, but where is Taylor? I can feel the pain in my knee now, and it really hurts. I try to stumble on after her, and that's when I realize that I've started crying again.

Great.

That's when the panic attack starts. I'm suddenly all too aware of the people pressing in me, the flashing bright lights in my eyes the mob of people all screaming and yelling and pushing and shoving-

I swear, my heart is pretty much ready to beat out of my chest.

Everyone morphs into my parents. I felt like everything was caving in on me, like something was about to attack me. The noise, the lights, it's all too overwhelming. I can feel bile rising up my throat and before I know it I've thrown up on the side walk. Where's Taylor? Why can't I stop crying?

Oh god oh god oh god.

Suddenly two arms grab me and pull me out of the mob. Momentarily, I've forgotten who that person is, only that I must get away, so I try to wiggle away from that person. Then there is fresh air and the night sky again.

"Shhh... Shh.." Taylor says, trying to get me to calm down, but I can't. I can't I can't I can't.

"Follow my breathing. In, out. In, out." She continues, still holding onto my wrist. It takes a while, but my breathing finally stabilizes. And when that happens, I'm still terrified, so I practically hug Taylor and cling onto her like a koala, even with the box in hand.

"Shhh... It's okay, you're safe. You're safe." She repeats, over and over again, rubbing comforting circles on my back. Somehow or other she manages to get us both into her car and buckles me in before going over to the driver's side.

"I'm probably going to terrify you even more with my questionable driving skills." She says, laughing. Her laugh is pure and pretty and contagious, even I crack a smile, although my heart is beating at a hundred miles an hour.

"There's that smile." She says, smiling back at me, blue eyes tinkling. She switches on the radio and a familiar song starts up.

"That's my song!" She exclaims, practically bouncing out of her seat. She turns the volume up and sings along with uh, her song, softly. I can't believe this. I'm sitting next to THE Taylor Swift, and now I'm also hearing her singing her own songs, and I get to watch her reacting when her own song came on the radio I

ASDFGHKLLL

Sorry, I had to fangirl. I'm finally meeting my idol properly, and then she somehow or other manages to bundle me into her car and now we're going to HER HOUSE. And after all the terrors, it's started to finally sink in that I'm about to go to TAYLOR SWIFT'S HOUSE.

"You're worthless and a waste of space, what makes you think she won't kick you out of the house?"

"She won't want to be seen with a pathetic, homeless, mentally unstable fan."

"What kind of a fan are you anyway? All you have is some Taylor Swift music, you think that makes you a fan?"

God, these voices just won't stop, won't they? They always have to ruin everything. Of course, the voices are all said in only one person's voice. My father.

That has me in tears again. My breathing begins to go in and out really quickly and in short breaths. My chest hurts and feel like I can't breathe at all. I can feel my hands shake and I think I hear Taylor calling my name, I can't be sure. All I can hear are the voices in my head and they won't stop, they can't. It's everywhere. The car. My mind. My ears. Outside. Inside me. Everywhere.

"You're a worthless, pathetic waste of space."

"Go die, bitch."

Stop. Why can't it stop?

"You were born out of wedlock, you hear me? You don't matter at all!"

"You know why no one wants to be friends with you? Because you're stupid and silly and ugly, that's why!"

"You don't deserve to even live."

"You should just die."

Stop it! Why are you saying such things?

"Because you deserve them!"

Somewhere, somehow, I hear screaming, but the voices in my head drown it out. And I can't make them stop. I can't make the pain in my chest stop. I can't I can't I can't. I try to put my hands over my ears but the noise won't stop. It won't stop it won't stop it won't stop.

"I bet even Taylor doesn't want you!"

"You suck!"

Why can't I escape? Why can't this stop? I want out! I want out I want out!

"You can ask for escape all you want, but you can't escape the fact that you're a worthless piece of shit!"

"Scream all you want bitch, you aren't going to escape!"

"Now you know why your parents abuse you, don't you? Because you're a bad girl, and bad girls-"

Get punished I know I know! Why can't it stop?

I can't see anything or hear anything. All I know is that I'm crying really hard, and I feel like if I turned around my father would appear and my mother would have been beaten up so badly she wouldn't even be recognizable and then he'd hit Taylor and finally me and- and- and

Why can't this stop?

Just stop now!

My heart feels like it'll just jump out of my chest any moment. I'm terrified. My hands are trembling and it feels like years. I'm surprised my eyes haven't been cried dry yet with the amount of tears I've been crying. Then all of a sudden there's a scream and something hits my head, and then everything goes black.

Everything is fussy. People. Sirens. Taylor? Is that her? I can't tell. There's so many things going on at once. I... Just... Want to... Go... To sleep...

But even as I drift into unconsciousness, the voices are still there. Shouting into the dark void. Eating away and killing me.

Whew... That was an emotionally intense chapter. But I can't wait for all of you guys to see the next one because, Taylor and Margie's relationship will really start to develop! Yay! And you guys got me up to 5k reads and over a 100 votes? WHAT HOW WHEN WHY??!! I just love you guys so much you have no idea.

Megan xxx

Ps, I searched up my name and Margie's. Our names have the same meaning haha.