The Start of Something New

Chapter 4 (Chad's POV)

What did I just do?

I had been up all night wondering if I should do this or not. wondering if I should make it official and give him my number. I paced back and forth in my bedroom clutching the note wondering if I should give it to him or not. I knew I should. I didn't want it to be just a one night stand. the way I felt when I was with him; I have never felt the same with anyone.

So I gave him the note. Oh my God I just gave him the note. I gave him my number. We can text each other now. I can call him. I can hear his beautiful voice out side of school and not have to sneak around. What if he didn't want it, though? What if wanted it to be a one night stand? He'll probably never text me. This was a mistake.

I didn't pay attention in homeroom; or english, or history, or spanish. When I was in basketball practice after school, as much as I tried, I couldn't shoot any hoops. "Hey!" Troy yelled as he ran over to me with a smile on his face "What's up with you? You haven't made a single shot all practice?". "Yeah I know" I sighed "I'm just distracted that's all". "Don't worry bro, just get your head in the game" Troy said passing me the ball "We have to win the game next Friday". "Yeah, I know" I sighed "I'll get my head back in the game before then". "Good thing, bro" Troy smiled bouncing backwards to the centre of the court. "Hey" I yelled before he turned away "Is it okay if I leave early, I'm not feeling too well". "Yeah, sure bro" Troy shouted back "we can practice again tomorrow". I nodded before turning away to the locker room.

Back at home I finally checked my phone. There was a message on there from Ryan. Ryan! My heart rate sped up. I was so nervous to open the message. What if it said that he doesn't like me like that? Oh God! I was overthinking too much. I clicked on the message.

Hey

Hey. He said hey. I typed hey into my phone and hit send.

What is going on? Does Ryan actually like me? Do I actually like Ryan? Of course I like Ryan. His beautiful voice, the little gold flecks in his eyes, the way he makes my heart skip a beat every time I see him. I do like him. But, I'm not gay. Am I?

Is it gay for a guy to like a guy in a more than a friend way? Is it gay to get to school early every morning just so you can see him walking into school and want to stop and talk to him but you don't because your heart is beating too fast and you just can't get any words out? Is it gay to want to go to dinner with him and laugh at him struggling to use the chopsticks at the sushi restaurant and then go and see a movie with him, a musical because even though you don't really like musicals he loves them so you go any way, and halfway through look at him and see him mouthing the words to the songs and when he notices you staring you gently kiss him on the lips?

Maybe I am gay.