Broken Promise | Monsta X Jooheon

24//Rise

"So I call on my angels. They say, 'Oh, ye of so little faith. Don't doubt it, don't doubt it. Victory is in your veins. You know it, you know it. And you will not negotiate. Just fight it, just fight it. And be transformed.' Cause when, when the fire's at my feet again and the vultures all start circling, they're whispering, you're out of time. But still, I rise." — Rise, Katy Perry

"Long time no see, huh, Promise?"

I looked up, startled, only to let out a small, albeit slightly awkward smile when I saw Daniel standing in front of me, his normal amicable face only the tiniest bit tainted by a look I couldn't quite pinpoint.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Truthfully, I hadn't really thought about Daniel much, which was weird for me as usually our ten-minute lunchtime rendezvous where I listened to him recount what a normal life was actually like were the only things that got me through the few hellish school days I showed up to endure.

But recently, I had found that though the school body's opinion of me was exactly the same and I'd made no new friends despite showing up more frequently now, school was more bearable than it had ever been.

That's not to say that I suddenly loved going or that I showed up every single day, but my track record was certainly better than it had ever been in recent years.

Daniel looked a bit uneasy as he set his bag down on the ground and plopped onto the seat across from me.

I set my phone down in an effort to not look as rude as I was feeling internally and we both were trying to ignore the incessant buzzing as my phone lit up with text after text.

Eventually, Daniel couldn't help blurting out a, "Who's that?" in the most forced nonchalant tone I'd ever heard.

I raised a brow, shrugging and mumbling out a vague, "No one." as I shoved the device in my pocket.

Truthfully, it was Hyungwon and Changkyun spamming the group chat with memes, but I didn't see how that was any of Alex's business, and I really didn't appreciate the look in his eye. Not the surprise that I had people who would actually want to contact me in the first place and definitely not the curious excitement like he hoped I was doing some really criminal thing that he could get in on to spice up his life.

Daniel gave me a long look, but didn't press the topic and we went on about our usual routine.

But somehow, as I listened to him drone on and on about whatever he and his friends had been doing for the past week, I just couldn't get into it like I used to. It just wasn't interesting.

Granted, their lives probably were better than mine from an objective standpoint, but suddenly, I was struck by just how boring they all sounded.

Jiho might not be considered an outstanding member of society but I just couldn't picture my life without him, much less a life looking down on him just because he was a bit rough around the edges. Not him or Jooheon or Ajiad or any of them.

I couldn't imagine not working a shift in my grandmother's bookstore every day and swinging on the shelves.

I couldn't imagine not going to the Slaughterhouse to fight or dance.

Granted, I could definitely imagine a life in which my mother was alive and my father wasn't an asshole and I wasn't riddled with mental illnesses and self-harm issues — however, fake that life seemed now — but otherwise, my life without all the frowned upon elements in it just doesn't seem worthwhile.

As I listened to him, it struck me that his words no longer had their effect on me because I wasn't fascinated by them anymore.

I didn't necessarily want to be me but I sure as hell didn't want to be them.