NU'EST Imagines - 2017

New Hair - Minhyun

     A frustrating sigh and your phone flew across your room to land on your couch (which was also your bed). Your flat in Seoul had always been small, you obviously weren't able to afford a bigger place. Nowadays, however, it felt even smaller. As if the space were being more and more restricting and preventing you from breathing as comfortably as you were used to. And maybe it wasn't the air that was changing, perhaps it was only the consequence of the dozens of 'hate' comments you kept on reading about yourself from the citizens of the country you were living in.

     "Ex-Wanna One Hwang Minhyun spotted repeatedly with a foreign girl." "SHOCK: Minhyun from Nu'est & Wanna One is supposedly dating." These articles were fine. But there were others that weren't quite as nice. "Hwang MinHyun boycotted because he doesn't like Korean girls." "Nu'est Minhyun lied to fans about his dating plans and they are disappointed." That was hurtful, for him. And you couldn't decide what was worse. Those scandals that might hurt his career or the really mean ones that directly hurt you like: "Another idol whose girlfriend doesn't deserve him." "Logical reasons why idol Hwang Minhyun can't be dating this ugly foreigner."

     No one really knew about you and Minhyun. It had taken months of friendship for you both to develop feelings for each other and even longer than that to finally admit to having some. You had officially been a couple for only two months. Few were the people who were told. Actually, only Nu'est and their manager officially knew. It's not that you specifically wanted to hide it from the world, but you would both rather take your time and go at your own pace, since you weren't exactly the two most experienced people about relationships. It also wasn't about Pledis, for they didn't have any dating ban, but you would prefer not to create any scandal that might hurt a popularity that was still unstable. Most importantly, Minhyun and you wanted to cherish a blooming romance and build something genuinely comfortable between you two and create a couple that could perfectly fit your two different customs and characters.

     As the articles and the photographs could tell, you weren't trying to hide anything, but you weren't showing off either. It was often that you would be tagging along the Nu'est members when they had concerts or fanmeetings to watch them from backstage. It wouldn't have caused any speculations if you hadn't also been spotted during some of your dates with Minhyun as some pictures showed. Now people knew that you were an exclusive company of Minhyun's, and they mostly noted that you were a foreigner. A very ugly foreigner apparently.

     Usually, people from outside Korea weren't criticized like this, so why were you being called ugly, fat and other words in all the comments under these articles? Was it jealousy, xenophobia, surprise? Or was it really what they said? Were you truly as bad-looking as everyone seemed to say? Were you that inferior to Minhyun's beauty and success? International fans didn't seem to care as much, and were quite relieved, almost proud, to see variety in idol's dating lives. But you were living in Korea, and it was different knowing that the people who 'supported' you were as far from you as your family was. Earlier in your life, reading about other controversies yourself, you hardly believed hate comments would ever scar you if you had to face them, but now that you were living through it, even indirectly, it started to mess up with your head a lot. Such luck you had that no one knew your identity (yet), your social medias would have been flooded with direct criticism if it were the case.

     The scenery you could observe outside your windows was beautiful, yet, the more you looked at it, the more you felt scared by what was waiting out there. Your emotions were amplifying and you couldn't let them out somehow. As much as you knew you shouldn't bury everything inside you, there was no one or nowhere you were able to speak up. No one had to know you were feeling this bad about yourself; doubting every inch of confidence you had barely managed to gain over the years. Moreover, there was no way that you would allow yourself to stain Minhyun's reputation. People still weren't certain you were a thing, and it had to continue that way until your reputation and appearance could reach higher standards.