Renegades

Confessions

"Where are we going?" I ask watching as we drive down the streets of Cobb County

Dansby turns to me and flashes a smirk before resting his hand on my thigh and giving it a squeeze. "Trust me, you'll love it."

I decided to stay quite as Dansby drove down the road. He pulled over at an overlook and I couldn't help but gasp as the view. "Dans!" I whisper admiring the beauty. As soon as the truck was parked I was climbing out and making my way to the edge.

"Told you, you'd like it." Dansby whispered wrapping his arms around my waist.

"How did you find this?" I asks just watching the different lights of the city.

"I found it my rookie season. I'd come up here when ever I had a bad game." He says, we kept our voices low, not for any particular reason but I just felt like if I spoke at a normal tone all the beauty in front of me would disappear like a scared butterfly. "Come here."

Dansby takes my hand and leads me carefully down the side of the overlook a bit to a ledge where a picnic table sat. From this angle it was like everything lit up more. "Dans this is breath taking." I admit in awe of this in front of me.

"So are you." I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Sorry to cheesy." He chuckles as we take a seat on top of the picnic table.

"Little bit." I laugh. "But really I wish I had known about this a long time ago." I say turning my attention.

"I've never brought anyone here." Dansby casually brings up.

"Why?" I ask never moving my eyes.

"It's where I come when I need peace." I nod not bothering to respond because I understood. "I haven't been lately though.... know why?" He asks after a minute making me turn to look at him.

"You've found peace?" I guess not really knowing what else to say.

Dansby smiles softly and kisses my head. "Yea you can say that." We fall silent again.

"I wish I had this place when everything went down with Jimmy." I mutter. "Actually I wish I was here the whole time it was happening. I cried all the time wishing I was back home but I had the job of a life time, it was just miserable." I admit staring out at the skyline.

"You don't have to talk about this." Dansby whispers squeezing my knee.

I shake my head taking a deep breath. I had never really talked to anyone about what went on inside my relationship with Jimmy. "No, if-if we are going to work, I have to tell you about it." My voice cracked. "We started out like a normal college athletic couple. Supporting the other at their games, being their biggest fan. The normal. But after a year Jimmy started to change, he got to his senior year and started to change. He knew he'd get drafted and so did I." I take a deep breath still never looking at him. "It started by him just picking fights after games but I chalked it up to him having bad games. When the season was over and softball started he stopped coming to games as much. When he was there he would nit pick what I did wrong. I use to love playing, I mean loved it. You know the chills you get on opening day, the excitement. That's how I felt. After my grandpa died that went away a bit. But I fought so hard to love it again. About halfway through freshman year I found that love and passion for the sport. It was the conference championship, it wasn't anything big that I did but I just had one of the best games of my life, it just reminded me of the love I had for the game that my high school coach stole from me."

I took the chance to look up at Dansby who was staring at me like I was telling the most interesting story in the world. "Sophomore season rolled around and Jimmy started saying things about my playing and skills it felt like he was slowly draining the love again. I could go 3 for 3 and pick two girls off and he would still find something wrong with how I played. At first I wanted to think that he was just trying to make me better. But then it turned into him putting me down in front of my friends and teammates. I've never been the type of girl to just take it so after it happening in public a few times I ended up retaliating. Our biggest one happened right before the championship game of the OVC tournament. We had a game then a break, and durning the break he was criticizing me because I had struck out once. I lost it on him, the draft had already happened so I went off on how all he'll ever be in New England is a backup to Tom Brady. He didn't like that, he started yelling about how I was lucky to have him and since he got drafted he's had girls lined up but stayed faithful to me. I was so mad that he tried to throw that in my face all I could do was walk away. That was the worse game of my whole college career and I lost the game for us." I felt tears slip down my cheeks.

I still think back to that day all the time. Regretting it, we could've been conference champs if it wasn't for me. "Thinking about that kills me all the time. I blamed him for it which just caused more problems. Eventually we talked through it. He blamed it on the stress of getting drafted and I excepted that. But nothing got better, we were constantly fighting over the phone when he was in Boston. I spent hours crying at night, staying up late on FaceTime arguing with him. And then weekends flying out to where ever he was playing to be there supporting him even if we were in the middle of a fight. When the season ended for him he rarely ever flew back for my games which again lead to fights." I honestly couldn't believe I was telling him this.

"I-" I shake my head wanting to finish getting out what I had to say. "It was worse when he didn't even show up for my college graduation. I walked across that stage in near tears because he wasn't there. After graduating I flew out to Boston to start the marketing position Jimmy had got me. I honestly didn't want to go to Boston, I had an offer from the Falcons and god I wish I had taken it. But Jimmy said he wanted me with him, that distance is what was putting a strain on our relationship. And for a while it was better. Until we won the super bowl. Then it started back, the constant arguing and putting me down. Especially in front of coworkers. When he got traded he basically forced me to give up the lead marketing job to just go join the team in San Francisco. I agreed because I thought I loved him. I flew out after him once wrapping up all my things in Boston. Two weeks after I got there I came home and he was sitting on the couch, he told me to sit down and that was when he decided to tell me that he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't be tied down and be a player in the NFL, he wanted to sleep around and not have any regrets. I knew then that he had cheated on me while in Boston, it was worse when I found out it was one of the cheerleaders but it had happened a year ago."

Dansby pulled me into his arms as I tried to withhold the tears. "I Uh I had never felt so used, like I was just a trophy for him to have on his arm and flaunt around in Boston and at the draft. I just, He stole all my self confidence, that's why I've been so terrified to open up to you." I finally look up to see tears in his eyes too.

"Ashton if I could take all your pain away I would beautiful. No one deserves to be degraded the way you were. You are THE MOST amazing women I've ever meet. I can't promise we won't have our problems but I can promise that I will treat you the way you deserve. I've never felt this way about anyone. You make me want to be a better man and be everything you need." I couldn't help letting the tears fall down my cheeks as he held my face in his hands. "When I said I found my peace I meant you. You are my peace. I've found myself wanting to come to you every time I have a problem. Ashton Faith Kennedy I will do everything in my power to keep you from feeling the way you felt for three years. Please just let me." He begged.

I couldn't help but let out a sob as I nodded. "Yes." I manage making his eyes widen.

"What did you say?" He asks unsure.

"Dansby I want nothing more than to be with you." I say with a small smile.

His face lit up. "Wait really?" I nod. "Well the Ashton Faith Kennedy will you be my girlfriend?" He asks with a smile on those charming lips.

I don't answer I just lean forward pressing my lips to his. "James Dansby Swanson I would love to be your girlfriend."