Absent

Chapter 3

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I stared out of the window and looked at the glow of the city. I liked watching people from above as they raced around the town, so small they were barely visible. I wondered where they were going, what they were doing. Did they have families? Were they heading home after a long day at work? Meeting up with friends for a night of fun?

It was late, nearly midnight and I had successfully avoided my team for an entire day. I turned my phone off and locked myself inside of my apartment. It wasn't the top floor, but it was high enough that I could see over the tops of the other buildings. It was nice, but seeing everything from so far away only made me feel smaller. Lonelier. It didn't matter how high up I was, I would always be the outsider.

I heard Carson's footsteps as he entered the apartment. His cologne drifted toward me and I cursed myself for giving him my spare key. I didn't move from my perch on the window seat as he came to a stop a few feet away from me. Still, I stared out of my window.

I heard him sigh. "Rowan, I'm sorry."

I heard the pain behind his words and a deep frown tugged at my lips. I hated disappointing Carson.

He closed the distance between us and I saw his reflection on the glass in front of me. I looked down into my lap instead, not wanting to see him yet.

"Come on, Buttercup, don't freeze me out." Carson said and suddenly I wanted to cry.

I didn't want to say goodbye to him, or anyone on my team. I didn't trust anyone in the world more than I trusted them, Carson most of all. He was the one who introduced me to the real world for the first time. He showed me that music could explain your deepest emotions when words couldn't. He taught me that colors were not limited by what you saw in the rainbow. He helped me see that dreams weren't just images that you saw in your head while you slept.

I would not have survived this long if it weren't for Carson. I owed him everything. I could remember what life was like before I met him, and I didn't want to go back. Who would I be with the Summers'? Why did I need them anyway? I already had a family, as unconventional as they were. I didn't want to lose them when I had only just found them.

"Vanessa said you're set to leave in two days." Carson continued. "The team and I were thinking we could have a night in tomorrow. Watch some movies or something."

My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes. Why was he still talking? I struggled to keep my emotions at bay and shook my head in defiance.

"Hey," Carson's hand landed on my shoulder and I looked up into his eyes. They stared back at me filled with sadness and understanding. He gripped my arm, pulling me off of the seat. "Come here."

His arms wrapped around me and he squeezed me tightly. My tears streamed out uncontrollably as I gave in and held onto him. My fingers clutched onto his jacket and I held myself up on shaking legs. I felt completely hopeless again, even worse than the day I had been taken from the Agency. At least back then I didn't know how much a person could enjoy life.

"I don't want to leave, Carson." I cried into his shoulder.

His arms tightened, pulling me closer as he rested his chin on the top of my head. "I know, Buttercup."

I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping somehow that this was all just a bad dream. I had those sometimes. Horrible dreams that I was desperate to wake up from. But I knew this was real.

After a while, my tears slowed and Carson spoke again. His voice was soft and sure, and I knew that I would miss the comfort that it gave me.

"Goodbye is not forever, Rowan." He said, pulling away from me. He guided me to sit back down on my window seat and he sat beside me. "I don't want you to leave either, believe me, but you have to. You don't understand what you're missing out there. It's so much better than this."