Absent

Chapter 12

~ ~ ~

My muscles clenched painfully and my head spun. The nausea was so overwhelming that I couldn't move. I wanted to call out for her to help me. My voice was gone, lodged in my throat along with the bile threatening to spill out.

My cheeks were wet as silent tears poured from my eyes. How long had I been crying? I couldn't remember. I remembered the burning liquid. I remembered how she'd given me more than usual tonight, pressing her hand over my mouth to keep me from spitting it out.

"Go to sleep and in the morning we'll go out for pancakes." She promised. I hated her promises. I hated the way she always kept them.

My legs and arms were heavy. The were four white walls surrounding me, all blank. One wooden door stood in front of me, the only thing in my line of vision. My mouth felt numb from the brown liquid and my head spun. Nausea rose inside of me and I felt my heart race.

I prayed for the sun to come up. The floorboard creaked. Bile rose to my throat and I shot up-

~ ~ ~

My eyes snapped open and I sat up in my bed. I watched the door to my bedroom with my heart pounding. The echo of footsteps faded from my mind and I realized it was all in my head. A dream.

Looking around the room, the shadows seemed darker, more ominous somehow. I didn't even clearly remember what the dream had been about. I mentally reminded myself that it wasn't real as I settled back into my bed.

My heartbeat didn't settle and the anxiety didn't leave my body, even as I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to sleep. My mind stayed wide awake all night and by the time I started to drift, I saw streaks of sunlight peak through my bedroom window.

When my alarm went off I groaned, glaring at the stupid thing. I pressed it's off button and slumped back into my pillow.

It was no use. I was awake. I pushed myself up from the bed and started to get myself ready for school. I made minimal efforts getting ready, not even bothering with makeup this morning. I tied my hair up into a ponytail and pulled on a basic outfit of jeans and a white long sleeve. I picked up my backpack and slumped down stairs.

Stella and Ryan were sitting at the dining table, each with a mug in front of them.

Stella graced me with her bright smile. "Rowan, would you like some coffee?"

I shook my head in answer. Since leaving the Agency, I'd learned about all kinds of things that people used to alter some part of their mental state. Coffee, energy drinks, alcohol- I wasn't really interested in any of that stuff. My favorite drink was water followed closely by strawberry flavored lemonade. Unless it was absolutely necessary, I didn't see the point in consuming substances that could alter my mental and physical state.

Stella took a sip of what I assumed was coffee from her mug. "I'll be at the school to pick you up today, okay?"

My sleep-deprived mind took a moment to register her words. I blinked and tried to figure out what she was saying. "Oh," I remembered. "My session."

Therapy was on the list of conditions I had agreed to when I moved here. After I was settled in, Vanessa Salazar said that, like all of the other Agency kids, I'd have to undergo therapy. She gave me time to settle in, but it was finally time to begin.

I didn't know much about therapy, just that it was supposed to help. Maybe this therapist would help me figure out how to sleep at night.

"Make sure you tell Luca so he's not waiting for you all afternoon." Ryan chimed in, giving me a quick glance from his cellphone. He was very likely invested in some kind of work-related issue.