The Breadstick Thieves

Act V: The Alien

Blue light emanated from outside, intruding into their home. Charles and Brandon dropped everything and rushed outside to look around. When nothing special was around, they looked up.

They were nearly blinded by the sheer brightness of the blue light. They squinted and held their arms up over their eyes. A blue transparent cone shot out, and they were right in the center of it. They floated up, and did what they had the only choice to do: They screamed.

"Help! Help!" Charles yelled. Brandon shouted gibberish. People stepped out of their homes in robes and pajamas, baffled. Charles and Brandon floated higher and higher into the air. They flailed and attempted to swim out of the beam. They rose into the UFO and the entrance below them shut. The beam ceased, and they fell to the floor.

"Oooow!" Brandon exclaimed, falling on his tailbone.

Charles managed to land on his feet, though he staggered."You okay, man? You need help or something?"

"One, I am not okay, and two," Brandon said,"I can get up on my own!" Brandon, grunting, got up on his own.

"Where even are we?" Charles said, looking around the circular metal room.

"A spaceship," Brandon replied.

"Yeah, I gathered that much, but why?"

"Should have asked why."

"Why are we?"

Brandon put back on his trusty British accent. "You see, my dear Charles, while we were on the ground back in my house, I came to a certain realization."

"And that is?"

"That this may not simply be a world conspiracy, Charles. It is a galactic conspiracy."

"A galactic conspiracy?"

"Exactly."

"And how did you figure that out?"

"Simple deductive reasoning."

Charles crossed his arms. "I'd like to hear this deductive reasoning."

"Well, you see—"

Interrupting Brandon, a panel slid up on the wall, revealing two gray aliens with large black eyes. The left alien spoke in a garbled language, conversing with the alien on the right.

"Ah, Breadsticks," Brandon said in his normal voice. "They interrupted my monologue."

"Yeah, how terrible," Charles said.

"You know what they're saying?"

"Oh, yes, because I am fluent in alien!" Charles uncrossed his arms.

The right alien stopped speaking, then laughed in a deep human voice. "I'm just messing with you."

"We really gave them quite a scare, huh?" the right alien said in a high human voice.

"We were not scared!" Brandon and Charles said, scared.

"Sure you weren't," the deep-voiced alien said. "Now, follow us."

The two aliens turned around and started walking down a long metal corridor. Brandon and Charles were stuck in place for a moment, wondering what in space was going on, but then jogged to catch up with the aliens.

"Congratulations, guys," the deep-voiced alien said as they walked. "You figured it out."

"Excuse me, I figured it out," Brandon said.

"Alright, cool, Brandon figured it all out," Charles said. "But why'd you do it? Why'd you poison the breadsticks?"

The high-voiced alien spoke. "What does everyone on Earth like?"

"Breadsticks, duh," Charles said, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. "Duh," he said, coming to the realization.

"Exactly," it said.

"Okay, you kinda answered my question, but not completely, so: why poison food at all?"

"You got it, actually: Population control."

"Population control? Why?"

"To make room for us," the deep-voiced alien said.

Both Brandon and Charles stopped dead in their tracks. "Excuse me?" they said.

The aliens turned around. "We're going to settle on Earth," the deep-voiced alien said. "It's the only habitable home for us."

They faced the front again and reached the end of the corridor. The door slid up, revealing a massive circular room with various aliens populating it, carrying out various tasks. The four stood on a balcony overlooking it all. The aliens stepped down the stairs. Brandon and Charles reluctantly followed.

"Besides," the deep-voiced alien said, "is it really that bad if half the population is dying?"

"Half?" Brandon and Charles shouted.

"Half," the high-voiced alien said.

The deep-voiced alien started again. "There's only two options for you now. You either get killed, or you join us." He turned around to somehow stare into both pairs of eyes at once. "So what's it gonna be?"

Brandon took in a breath and let it out. He looked at Charles and nodded. Charles nodded back. They both spoke at once.

"We're in."