st. patrick's day || brallon

eight

TW;SH

When they got home, Dallon's mood had darkened. Why hadn't Brendon been able to say no when Ryan had asked if he still loved him? He walked to his room with a confused Brendon following him. He turned around.

"I'm not trying to be rude, but could I, um, be alone for a bit?" he asked to Brendon.

"Oh! uh... yeah, no problem. I'll be... out here," Brendon said, caught off guard. Dallon said thanks and walked into his room. He went to his desk he'd had forever and opened a drawer. Inside sat a little box. He grabbed what he was looking for and went into the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and sat on the ground.

Of course Brendon hadn't replied. How do you say you still love your ex right in front of him and your date?

you're not good enough.
he doesn't want you.
he just didn't want to say no to the date.

Dallon bit his lip. His eyes stung.

you're so weak.
it's no surprise he'd never want someone like you.
stop pretending he won't dump you as soon as he finds a place to stay.

Tears ran down his face as Dallon opened his hand to reveal the razor blade sitting on his open palm. He rolled up his left sleeve, revealing the reddish brown lines decorating his wrist. He held the blade in his shaking hand and brought it to his arm. Quick and hard. That was the most effective way. He dragged it across the skin of his arm. Once. Twice. Three times. He was pleased to see the blood drip down.

He meant to do only three, or so. He lost track after 8 inch-and-a-half long cuts on his wrist. The thoughts kept coming. A voice in his brain kept talking to him.

you could kill yourself and he wouldn't care.
everyone just wants you dead.
stop being so annoying and just do it.

"Shut UP!" Dallon screamed. He clamped his hand on my mouth. Oh god why did he-

"DALLON!" Brendon screamed through the door. "What's going on? Are you okay? You've been in there for an hour!"

"I'm- I'm having a shower. Sorry," Dallon said, running over and turning on the shower water to HOT. "Don't come in..."

"Dallon, please! I just want to make sure you're okay!" Brendon pleaded.

"I'm fine!" Dallon said over the noise of the shower. He took off his clothes and stepped into the shower. He faintly heard what sounded like Brendon sliding down onto the floor outside the door.

He hissed as the boiling hot water hurt his cuts, washing the blood out of them. It ran down his arms, down his legs, dripped onto the floor of the shower and was washed down the drain. He couldn't help but cry. Why was Brendon now acting like he cared?

After standing in the shower with his head against the wall sobbing as loudly as he wanted for 15 minutes, he shut it off.

you're overreacting.
barely nothing happened and you're crying like a baby. pathetic. worthless.

He dried off and got dressed. He pulled his shirt back over his body, and his sweater. Hiding away the little lines that showed what he was really like. He had work soon. He wanted to lie in bed forever, alone. He guessed he'd just die alone anyways.

His forearm just felt sore. He would say numb, but it still ached a little. He had to prepare himself to go outside and face Brendon. He combed through his hair with his hands and made sure it didn't look like he had been crying.

He opened the door. Brendon was right there, sitting against the wall. Dallon expected him to be in the living room or something. When Brendon noticed Dallon, he stood up.

"What happened? I-I heard you yell and you scared me, what was going on?" he said too fast.

"It was nothing, I'm fine, you don't have to worry," Dallon said, ruffling Brendon's hair and hoping that he sounded convincing enough.

"O-Okay..." Brendon said, still looking worried but for the most part it sounded like he believed Dallon.

"I gotta get to work. Sorry, Bren," Dallon said. He kissed his forehead and forced himself to walk away from Brendon, without looking back.

"Wait!" Brendon said. Dallon turned around, a questioning look on his face. "I'm... I'm sorry for what happened earlier today- with... Ryan,"

Dallon had kind of liked that name before today. Now he hated it. He nodded, and walked away again, a lump in his throat.

Behind him, he couldn't see how sad Brendon looked.

——-

i've wrote two chapters tonight damn. also sorry about dallon :(

(i wrote this on 09/08/18 and it's being published 01/19/19... whoops)