This is definitely your cliché luv (love) story between two young adults, yes.. But will it exactly be a story where you can guess what will happen next? No. So, get a snack, settle in because I'm about to tell you the story of Tommie and Axel. Mo...
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4:15PM // 1208 Main Street
Blessings can be strange. One minute you're showered in the light of God, accepting all that he is giving. Accepting your purpose and accepting the fact that you deserve the good that the Lord is sharing. Then, you get pulled back to square one. The point at which you got down on your knees and asked God to take you away. Take the pain and the tears. The heartbreak and the anger. The fear! At this point, God and the Devil were having a tug of war and I was in the middle. For me, good things could never last and I don't even know why I'm here. Why am I living if i'm not deserving of the good? If all I am here for is to go through bullshit and more that comes.
To say I wanted to die would be an understatement. It was too easy but how dare I continue to live this life I didn't ask for. How dare I wake up and smile acting as if I am not un-happy. I was pushing everyone away and I couldn't even think of a time I spoke to anyone in the crew besides the time we all went out and seen Don in the flesh. I still couldn't believe it happened and the fact that Axel had to go through what he did to protect me. I was beating myself up bad for it. It was my fault I got him into that shit. Although he won, he was still bruised and had a busted lip. My poor baby, I just couldn't see him and I don't think I want to.
I may be the most selfish person there is but I had to come back to the place I know would make me feel safe. After everything that went down, I feared so much for my well being. Even having the thought that Don would come after me and bring me back with him, so I fled to Dallas. I didn't alert MiMi, Axel or anyone. I just left. If they would have known, I wouldn't have had the chance to stay as long as I have and it has been well over two weeks. I know they were all worried sick about me but I really needed my ma and to get over the thoughts that took over my mind. If I had stayed, I'm sure I would have killed myself.
"Kumain ka dito" my mom interrupted my thoughts by placing a plate down in front of me. It had beens years since I heard my mom speak in her native. Although I had been raised in the hood and was half black myself, my mom never failed to speak her native around the house. Keith and I knew just as much as we needed to.
"Salamat..." i responded above a whisper as I picked up my fork playing around with the food she made. I was in no mood to eat and it has been that way since I got here. It could be my favorite dish and somehow I would get turned off by it. Nothing could bring me from the state I was in and it scared me. I worked so hard to get out of this funk I had when I got to MiMi's in L.A and now, I was back.
"Tomasina you must eat.. You're losing weight and your body is getting used to you not eating. Eat!" my mom said sternly causing me to frown.
"Mommy I can't! I'm too depressed. I miss them and it's all because of him that I fear even going back home. I cannot put myself at risk. All that I have overcome just to be pushed back down." Rolling my eyes I push the plate of food away as I lean back in my seat slightly slouched over. My mom sighs heavily prior to taking a seat next to me. I keep my eyes locked on the plate of untouched food.
