UT- LostSouls

Not Numb Enough

♡･ﾟ: *✭･ﾟ:*Chara's POV*:･ﾟ✭*:･ﾟ ♡

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That night Asriel had to carry me home. That's how damaged my SOUL was, and how much I didn't want to go back. He's the only reason that I'm here, in my bed being bored, instead of out in the cold struggling to survive.

Damn you Azzy.....

I sigh and turn over on my bed, trying to get comfortable. I summon my SOUL and look at it. I can still see several deep cracks in it and it's been extremely dull ever since I came back from what is now known as the Echo Flower Clearing. 

I look over at the clock and huff in frustration when I see it's only 7 am.  Ever since getting *Judged, I haven't been able to get much sleep. When I do sink into the arms of Morpheus, its typically accompanied with me waking up screaming a couple hours later. 

Needless to say, going to sleep isn't really an option for me to pass the time anymore. 

That being said.....
 I get up with a sigh. I might as well go do something productive with my time. Maybe go for a walk, or read a book. Or I could clean. I'm sure Mom would appreciate that.

I sigh, getting up and grabbing some clothes out of the dresser, being careful to be quiet so I don't wake up Asriel and Frisk. I grab my jacket on the way out, touching my locket to make sure its there. After I'm actually dressed, my phone finds its way into my pocket, and my earbuds earn there rightful place in my ears.

Music is the only thing that keeps me sane these days, I muse as I walk into the kitchen. I quickly lose any motivation I had for cleaning (Which wasn't much, tibia honest) at the condition of the kitchen. There are tons of plates and dirty dishes. I recall that we might've had a big dinner with everyone last night....

But I'm not sure. Everything's just... blending together for me. I can't even remember what day it is, now that I think about it. It's.... New Year's Eve? Right?

Now feeling listless, I sigh and decide to grab my boots. I'll just go for a walk then....

As I walk out the door, I catch sight of my reflection and wince. I look even paler than usual, and my eyes dull.  I look away before I can see more things wrong with me, including my disheveled hair and rumpled clothing, paired with the bags under my eyes. 

I take a deep breath of the chilly air, feeling it sear my lungs and chill me to the bone. I smile slightly and set off at a brisk pace, not really sure about where I'm going.

Being able to feel anything has been a luxury the past several days.

Not but five minutes into my walk, though, the omnipresent feeling of emptiness comes back. 

And I can't say I don't welcome it with open arms.

If there are two words I can use to describe myself and what I've been feeling, it is 'Comfortably Numb'.

Although I suppose 'Not Numb Enough' is a more fitting description, since the numbness only follows intense intervals of pain.

That day,  saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And not in the, I'm-about-to-die kind of way. No. It was more like a long movie, as if my mind was like, 'We have all night. Why not drag this out as long as possible.'  And i wasn't watching the movie. 

I was starring in it.

I lived my life all over again.
I made the same mistakes.
I got hurt in all the same ways.
And I got the people I love hurt in the same ways.

I believe my grief is duly deserved.

Don't worry. I don't hate Sans for making me relive all that.
Instead, I hate myself.

As I think, my feet inexplicably lead me to a graveyard. It's near the outside of the city, and is about an hour walk. Huh. I didn't realize it had been so long.

I walk down the path, toward a certain gravestone. It's a ring of 6 graves, all facing inward. They're made of marble, and each has a heart engraved in it, along with a word.

❤ Patience

❤ Integrity

❤ Bravery

❤ Justice

❤  Perseverance  

❤  Kindness

***Hey guys. It's been awhile, hasn't it. Sorry about that lol. I'm back.***