Break the rules e.d

Chapter 26

A couple days later;

Ellie's Pov.
It's been a couple days since e died, and it hasn't left my mind. I can still feel everything that happened that night. From me hanging up on him, to the paramedics carrying him out of the woods. I can feel the cool breeze hitting my arms when I was trying to talk to Lisa, and the pain in my stomach, when the police harshly told me what had happened.

As much as I try to forget I can't stop blaming myself. If I wouldn't have hung up on him, maybe he'd still be here. If I would've just told him how much I loved him, maybe things would have been different.

I try to keep myself busy, so I don't think about it as much, but I guess that's why I'm in this stupid fucking program. Mom and Dad have came everyday to see how I'm doing, but it's hard to even talk to them, because I feel like they don't understand anything. Mom just said that he was a "troubled kid" and Dad.. well dad hasn't really said anything about him.

It's kinda like school here. With the horrible food, and the annoying people, but it's so much worse. You know with school at least I would get to see Alexis and Madison, or hangout with Ethan after school, but I guess I'll never get to hangout with him again.

A couple hours pass;

A worker at the program: Ellie

Ellie: Yes ma'am

Worker: You have a visitor.

Ellie: Mom said she's not coming until later though.

Worker: It's not your mother dear.

Ellie: Who is it then.

Worker: A guy named Grayson, your parents said that it would be okay if you two talked.

Ellie: Grayson?

Worker: Yes ma'am, would you like to talk to him?

Ellie: Sure.. *gets up and the worker shows her to a table where Grayson is sitting*

*convo with Grayson*

Grayson: Hey El.

Ellie: *in a quiet tone* hi..

Grayson: How are you doing?

Ellie: *in a sarcastic voice* how are you doing?

Grayson: I know it fucking sucks what happened Ellie, and I'm hurting too. I'm hurting so much, but we can't change what happened.

Ellie: *doesn't say anything*

Grayson: *looks at her*

Ellie: I'm sorry..

Grayson: Don't be. I mean how could you not be pissed, with what happened, and then your parents putting you in this fucking place. I would feel the same way.

Ellie: *laughs slightly* yea..

Grayson: Uhm well.. the night that it happened, he left a note in his room.. *pulls out note*

Ellie: A suicide note?

Grayson: Yea, I guess.

Ellie: How are you so okay with all of this? He's your brother?

Grayson: Ellie, I can't change what happened. I loved him more than anything, but he's gone.. how the fuck am I supposed to feel?

Ellie: ...

Grayson: *clears his throat* look, about the note. I found it the next day, and when I showed my parents, they said that I shouldn't show you because it would be to hard. But I think you deserve to see it. *hands her note*

Ellie: *opens note*

*the note*

Dear Mom and Dad, I know I've caused so many problems these past few weeks, and I've messed up so much. I fucked up a lot, but just know I love you guys, and I'm sorry.

Dear Grayson, I know you'll probably be the one to find this, so just know I never meant for this to happen, but you know I've been going through a lot especially these past weeks, and I couldn't do it any more. I'm sorry bro, just know how much I love you, and this isn't your fault at all.

Dear Ellie, you were the last person I talked to before I killed myself. I told you I loved you, and you hung up on me. I know I've messed with your life a lot, but you were the last person, I ever expected to give up on me. You gave up on me, and then I gave up on myself. You were the last thing I had El, and I couldn't imagine my life without you. I'm so sorry for all the pain I put you through. Love you forever.. -Ethan