To Love And Be Loved

Chapter 18

We are forlorn like children, and experienced like old men, we are crude and sorrowful and superficial- I believe we are lost.
Erich Maria Remarque,

Cass watched the red display of the alarm clock blink 5:59. She turned it off before it could ring for six. She hadn't been able to sleep for the past hour. All she had been thinking of was Victor, until his face began to run circles in her head like a centrifuge.

She picked her glasses from her bedside table. She got off her bed, walked to the window and opened it. The sky was grey and there was just a hint of dawn on the horizon, silently turning the grey sky golden. The stars were still blinking in the sky.

She sat on the window ledge and waited.

In the distance, the horn of a train sounded loud, almost like it was puffing. She heard the train everyday, since the tracks were commissioned five years ago. They had become a part of her mornings. She usually heard the train for almost two minutes before the sound faded and the train disappeared into another part of Lagos. Today, the sounds of the metal against the tracks, the horn and the faint whistle of the engine were still the same.

Some things never change.

She turned when she heard Gabriel's door close and the floorboard in front of his room creaking. She crossed her room, opened the door and peeked out. She saw a figure clad in black going down the stairs.

"Gabriel," she called, but he didn't turn. He took the stairs three at a time. Almost as if he was running from her. She closed her door and went down the stairs after him.

"Gabriel," she called again. He was almost at the door.

"What?" It was the first word he had said to her since their birthday.

"Where are you heading to so early?" She tried to ignore the sharpness of his voice but she couldn't. He suddenly seemed like a stranger to her.

"I want to clear my head," he said, with the door half opened. Then he added with a sneer, "mum."

"Whats wrong, Gabriel?" She stepped closer to him. "If its about the other day..."

Gabriel cut in with a mirthless laugh. "You don't get it, do you?"
He jerked back when she tried to touch his arm. "Just leave me alone," he said. He walked out, turned left and opened the garage door. Moments later, Cass heard the sound of his motorbike, then he zoomed off into the dawn, the noise of the engine and the white of the exhaust fumes trailing after him. Cass closed the door after him, shivering from the cold air outside. She sighed and made for her mother's room.

She knocked on the door and slightly opened it.
"Mum," she said, peeping in.
There was no one in the room and the light of the bathroom which was closed was on.

Just then, her mother opened the bathroom door and walked out. "Cass," she said, when she saw her. "You startled me."

Her mother's eyes were red and puffy and there were dark bags under her eyes. Her voice was raw and throaty.
"Mum, are you okay? You don't look well."

"I just have a headache," said her mother, sniffing.

She had been crying, Cass knew it. She knew then wasn't the right time to bring up Gabriel.

"I could make your tea for you if you want." Cass walked into the room and hugged her mother. She felt frail in her arms. Tell me everything is alright, she wanted to say.

"No," said her mother, kissing her on the forehead. "I'll be fine. I just need some more sleep."

"But..." Cass began, drawing out of the her mother's embrace.