talk fast // calum hood

37

Teagans pov

Cal and I were taking side by side on my bed, both of us naked and a little bit sweaty. I moved my hands through the covers until I found him and intertwined our fingers. Squeezing his hand tightly, I try to take in this feeling. Calum is warm next to me, his breathing steady but not slow enough that he's asleep. Maybe he was thinking the same thing I was.

Two more days, and then we'll be saying our goodbyes at the airport. I knew that familiar pit in my stomach, but I didn't have anyone to blame but myself. I could've tried to convince him we need to stay together but it's far too late now. I wouldn't even if I had the courage to, because no matter how much I love him I don't want the stress of keeping up with him on tour. Long distance has never sounded appealing to me. They were going to Europe and Australia first, then coming back to the US when the new year starts.

Calum and I still haven't really talked about what kind of relationship we're going to have from here on out. Will we be like friends and occasionally speak, when his busy schedule allows it? Will we pretend we never knew each other and move on with our lives?

Either way, I'm going to miss him. I set myself up for heartbreak. Even if we end on good terms, it doesn't mean I don't wish it was different.

Not everything is so melancholy, there are so many things I've gained from this summer. Ever since Bryan and I broke up, I've been scared of losing myself to a relationship again. Instead, I've grown and used the self-confidence I taught myself to love deeper. I'm strong enough to have a boyfriend but not wholly submit myself to him. I also learned that loving someone so much is something you should treasure, so it's okay to get lost in it from time to time.

Without a doubt, if I hadn't given Calum a chance, I would've spent all summer wondering what we could've been and that's definitely not what I would've wanted for myself. I had a lot more fun this summer than I would've if I had turned him down.

The more I thought about it, I'm not sure if we've ever really discussed what happens after this. I know that he knows I said I was worried about what would happen at the end of the summer but we always put it off. With school starting it feels like getting into a long distance relationship would just add to that stress. Calum shouldn't have to worry about me while he's doing what he loves anyway. Holding Calum back and adding pressure to touring the world are both things I don't want to have any part in.

Calum taught me that love isn't a chore, you can't determine love by how long you've been together, and most importantly that love is a good thing. I think he knows that if Bryan hadn't brought up the fact that we were going to have different futures, I might've stayed with him my whole life because he was all I knew.

It's not a fair comparison to put Calum and Bryan in the same category because they were definitely different kinds of loves. Calum's love is new, and it's exciting but also bittersweet at this point. Calum has taught me tons of things, if I hadn't met Calum, I would've always thought you'd have to be in a relationship for three years before you truly loved them.

"Cal, can we talk about something?" I speak quietly, not wanting to ruin the peaceful mood.

Calum turns on his side, pulling me into his arms and giving me a reassuring smile.

"I kind of assumed we had discussed this because I've been over it so many times in my head but I was trying to remember, and I'm not sure if we really have." I feel like swallowing my fist because now that I've started he's not going to let me drop it even though I wish I hadn't even said anything.

"Okay, T. Just tell me." Calum's voice is calm, and I feel like he already knows.

"I don't want long distance." Calum isn't a sugarcoating it kind of guy, but from the look on his face, I wish I had sugarcoated it a little bit.