i dont feel at home in this world anymore

right to it: thinking

no intro because im like a lesbian or something but so basically apparently everyone has super distinct feelings right like you know how it be everyone Has them and ur like wow someone else feels this but they DONT because NO TWO PROPLR EXPERIENCE THE SAME FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS IN THE SAME WAY OR SENSE and idk thats got me fucked up because i used to think i could explain like heartbreak or stress in terms of where it physically hurts me but i guess not so im devoting a lot ofmy time into trying to explain the unexplainable to the general public and like to people who dont know what the Fuck im talking about because it would improve mt communication with myself and how i put my thoughts together and its going to force me into actually having to gather up all the pieces of my brain that I've scattered everywhere and push them together and i guess see what i'm able to come up with but people have shown interest into like peeking into my brain i guess and if youre reading this sorry if im mean im just fucking not good and like i keep being mean to my 5 reliable friends sorry i dont mean it but like i keep thinkningabout cells and all that bullshit like we're actually all just made of like 39279428 gigabillon fucking circles and yet we find ourselves talking and moving and writing and putting things on the fuckig internet which is also a wild fuckign concept and we're a bunch of conjoined atoms in the middle of the fucking universe (one of many, many, many universes) and yet we still dye our hair and have sex and cry and worry and we're just tiny little people doing what's right for our insignificant souls and we get lost even though we've already been lost, just on such a large scale that nobody can feel it or notice. people who are able to make themselves solid in a world of transparency eat hearts and blacken the dreams of the elderly because they never stop moving. and there's the best kind of people and they find ways to  just poison you anyway with their words or their fingertips or their lips or their eyes and they just look at you or your hands brush against one another or you kiss or you make eye contact and before you know it your body has turned into cement and even though it sucks all you can think is just like "oh, i guess this is it" because there's some poison you will always be able to forgive and we worry about hurricanes and what to wear on our dates and we are only born just to die like none of it ever happened and i can almost swear that because nothing matters there's got to be a universe where it all does, where people go around and everything just matters and the skies are pink in the day and blue in the night and when god was making clouds he was like you know what would be sick? if we made these just Dispense sugar (hence cotton candy) and the angels were like duuuude so they did that and it didn't take long for people to get damn sick of sugar so god turned the sugar into salt to balance it out, and people got sick of that a lot faster so then god created rain and he was really worried he was like this is so boring everyone's gonna be so mad!! but the people weren't mad because sugar rain is a beautiful metaphor but a sticky and sad reality. literally what the Fresh fuck did i just write this all came out in like 3 minutes what the fuckiam i ON