CHOOSING.

15. Choices, choices.

After my long meaningful conversation with my mother, I felt it was time I took charge of my life and do something. However, it was not as close to simple as it sounded. First I needed to decide what I really wanted and how reasonable it was. To be completely honest, being serious and deep in thought for more than a couple of moments hurt my brain cells. I had never taken anything too serious, until then but I was not going to let this go. Several hours later and I was not any closer to finding an answer, I decided to go for a walk. Might as well get some fresh air to my stuffy head.

I got out of bed, got dressed into something that didn't look like it got salvaged from a calf's mouth and walked out of the house. Outside it was a little chilly so I shoved my hands deep into my hoodie pocket. I walked slowly aimlessly along a footpath rarely used as it led towards a nearby stream. I kicked small stones off my path barely registering what I was doing. Suddenly, something darted across my path. I came to an abrupt stop letting out a loud scream. I was so embarrassed when I saw it was just a squirrel and was really grateful I was alone. I started laughing at the stupidity of the whole incident and went on my way feeling much lighter. I started singing a nursery and skipped along, after a whole day of too much thought I felt I deserved a rest.

I was so giddy I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings that I almost missed the pair standing at the branching path. At the last minute I saw them and the childish song dried on my lips and I froze mid skip. Nobody was supposed to see this childish side of me so you can imagine my discomfort when I realised I had an audience. Luckily, it was only Ivy, a friend since childhood and a guy I had never seen before. "Ivy! How are you? You're totally looking good," I said awkwardly adding an even more awkward wave to it.

"Hey, Soni," Ivy replied trying to keep a straight face and failing. Her companion was no better and he started laughing immediately. Looking at the pair of them laughing at me would have flared my temper half an hour earlier but with my lifted spirits I couldn't help joining in. Like a trio of raving mad people, we laughed long and loud. After all nothing heals the soul as well as a good laugh. When we had had a good dose of laughter, Ivy moved to stand between me and her friend for introductions. "Soni, this is my fiancé, John. John, meet Soni, she's always been that crazy friend when I needed one. Also she is like a younger sister..."

"No, no you don't," I cut her off. "Am only two years your junior so don't go all big sister on me," I protested. Ivy only smiled and totally ignored my remark. And then it hit me, like a brick smashing onto your face. "Wait a minute, did you say he is your fiancé! You're getting married!" I couldn't help my voice rising to a higher pitch. However, Ivy had known me all her life and took all this in stride, John not so much. He looked like he wanted to cover his ears but knew it would be rude so his face was scrunched up in pain. I sure hoped I hadn't ruined his hearing.

"Yes, am getting married in a couple of months," Ivy confirmed.

"Aren't you a little young for marriage?" I asked before I could stop myself then dramatically clapped a hand over my mouth. At this John laughed before answering.

"What is the use of waiting, yet we already know what we want," he said. It was the first time I heard him talk and he heard a beautiful deep musical voice. It made me long to hear him sing.

"Do you sing?" I asked impulsively. Ivy looked like she was going to explode from holding back laughter, while John looked genuinely confused.

"Actually, I do. I just recorded a song," he answered confirming my suspicion. "How did you know?" Ivy beat me to answering.

"Soni here has always an obsession on voices. She always told me that since she can't have a melodious voice, she would make it her goal to appreciate those who do," Ivy explained. As she concluded I just wanted to find a place to crawl into and hide. That had been something I didn't want people knowing about.

"Wow, that's amazing. Your voice can't be that bad I bet," John said.

"It is, trust me I know," Ivy said making my eyes bulge out of my face. I glared at her not believing her audacity but she just smiled sweetly before adding, "what you should see her do, is acting or presenting a narrative. She is really good."

"Ivy!" I admonished her. She was laying me bare, one secret at a time to her fiancé as if I was not standing right there. John on the other hand looked like he had received a gift he had always longed for.

"Isn't this your lucky day Soni?" John asked rhetorically. "My sister, Emelda, is a director and is looking for new talent. You should totally try it," he said happily.

"I can't, my parents would never support it and it might affect my studies," I said sadly.

"Oh, that's so bad but you know what, am going to give you a card just in case. I have one somewhere..." He trailed off as he searched in his wallet. "Here," he handed me a card, much like business card with information about the auditions.

"Thank you." I said although I wasn't sure I was happy about this development. Soon afterwards I bid them goodbye and went on my way. I should have been happy about that chance to have someone give me a shot at acting but I just couldn't. I felt like a new weight had been added to my shoulders and my thoughts came slamming back into my mind.

I arrived at the stream. The scenery was quite beautiful. Tall trees by the banks offering cool shade and the clear water trickling by. I sat on the green grass by the banks and watched the water flow by until I was dizzy. Both with staring at the water for too long and thoughts of all the choices I had to make.