66 Text Notes - BTS HYYH

Hoseok Text Notes

23 July, Year 10

~by @doyou_bangtan

As I counted to four, I began to hear the hallucinatory laughter. That next moment, my childhood-self held someone's hand and swept past me. I turned around quickly, but it was my classmates that stared back.

"Hoseok?", the teacher called my name.

Only then did I realize where I was. It was math's class. I was in the process of counting the fruits drawn in my textbook. Five, six. I started counting again, but as the number kept increasing, my voice shook and my hands began to sweat. I kept remembering back to that time.

I could not remember well the face of my mother I had seen that day. I can only remember her passing a chocolate bar to me as we saw the attractions of the amusement park.

"Hoseok, count to ten starting from now, and only then should you open your eyes."

Once I counted and opened my eyes, my mother was not there. I waited and waited but she did not return. Nine was the last number I counted to. I only had to count one more, but my voice would not come out. My ears started ringing and my eyesight became hazy. The teacher motioned for me to keep going. My friends watched me. I could not remember my mother's face well. If I really did count one more, my mother would never come look for me.

And just like that, I collapsed on the floor.

15 September, Year 20

~by @papercrowns

Jimin's mother paced back and forth in the emergency room after checking that the name on the head of the bed and the IV drops were properly placed. She brushed a strand of grass from Jimin's shoulder with one finger. I approached hesitantly, feeling that I should tell her why Jimin was in the emergency room, about the seizure at the bus stop. Jimin's mother seemed to discover my presence only then, and she looked at me with a long evaluating case. I didn't know what to do so I stood still.

Jimin's mother only said "Thank you." and then turned back to him.

The next time Jimin's mother looked at me, the Doctor and nurses had started to move the bed, and I moved to follow. Jimin's mother said thank you again and pushed at my shoulder. Rather than pushing, it would be more correct to say that she touched me slightly and then pulled her hand away. But I suddenly felt an invisible line being drawn between Jimin's mother and myself. That line was sure and solid. It was cold and sturdy. It was a line that I could never surmount. I had lived at the orphanage for 10 years. I knew that much with my whole body, my sight, the air. In a moment of bewilderment I took a step back and fell to the floor. Jimin's mother looked vacantly down at me. She was a small and beautiful person. But her shadow was large and chilly. That shadow fell over me as I collapsed on the emergency room floor. When I lifted my head Jimin's bed had left the emergency room and could no longer be seen. After that day Jimin didn't come back to school.

25 February, Year 21

~by genius.com

I danced without taking my eyes off my reflection in the mirror. The me in the mirror had feet that didn't touch the ground, lifted up and was free from the standards and gazes of the world. There was nothing important, nothing that made my heartbeat in my chest other than moving my body in time with the music.

 The first time I danced was around the time I was twelve. Maybe it would have been for a talent show on a field trip. I stood on stage, led by my friends. The things I remember from that day are the sound of applause and cheering, and the sense that I had finally become myself. Of course, at that time it was only that I felt enjoyment from moving my body in time with the music. I would only learn much later that that feeling was joy, and that that joy came not from the sound of the applause but from somewhere inside me.