Looking Out For Mistletoe -Parapines

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I don't own the fanart in any way.

If somebody had told me that I had the ability to destroy things at random when I got scared, I would say they were crazy.

I knew that 'crazy' was already part of my family, and perhaps I should have expected something like this, but it never crossed my mind.

My hands started to shake whenever I thought about it, so I just had to grip at my sleeves and try to distract myself with other things. I'd dream up memories.

Home. Neil. My grandmother.

I just had to forget Gravity Falls. The reason why I came. My father. The ghosts. Bill. And the twins.

The last one was harder. They popped at random. I just couldn't forget what had happened. Mabel's face glistening with tears. Dipper lunging at the ammeter. What we talked about in the basement and how scared he was.
And then, when his panicked eyes turned soft when he told me I was going to be okay.

That was the moment I tried not to think about the most. But it was hard. Inconvenient even, especially when I was locked in my head, trying to make sense of anything and everything, and those honest eyes would throw me off every time.

I didn't want that to happen, but I couldn't help but to see them over and over, never growing tired, and all I could do was ask why. But it was like I couldn't make up my mind on what to feel.

It was a paradox that I never thought was possible. It was a bother but at the same time it was very pleasant. Were these just the simple after match of turning death down?
Above all, why?

Why now? Why him? Why me? What had I done? Why had he to be like that? Why was it so complicated to understand?

Confusion. My head was drapped in confusion, and just when I thought I had found a corner to grip on to, another rock would fall and hit me, sending me back to the bottom.

This would cloud my thinking later on, but obviously, none of it had occurred me during that car ride at all. I was probably too tired to think when it happened.

My mother hadn't said a word when we arrived. She just made sure I got myself into bed first, then shut the bedroom door behind her when she left. Still, my anxiety didn't let me sleep. So when I got up again half an hour later, I had opened the door to ten inches when I heard sobbing coming from her room.

It certainly didn't cure my lack of sleep, it only made me stare at the floor and feel her sadness burn my throat, her worry making my shoulders slouch.

I wish I could have told her right there that everything was fine now. But I couldn't because I didn't know that.

Dipper didn't knew that, Mabel didn't know that, Ford wasn't even here to tell it. All my hopes were glued to one invisible man.

I shut the door, went back to bed, and covered my head when the lurking shadows in the corners of the room made the airs in my neck stand up. It didn't work quite as well as I had planned. It became too dark, and I needed some air. I made sure I sneaked a look around the room before getting some oxygen into my lungs.

I couldn't sleep, that was the only thing I was certain of. My body ached so much every time I moved, and my throath still burned. Not my palms though. It should have been warmer under the thick blankets.
But everything felt cold.

I passed my fingers along my neck. There were two touches still present there. One was the ever so cold and binding one from that thing in the kitchen. And god, the sounds. I no longer had those voices in my head, but they kept returning whenever I started to balance between reality and a well needed rest. Just memories though.