No Reality

Jasper's Bestfriend

"Phew, I actually got through the day in one piece. And I only cried twice, new record." Lapis likes to talk to herself when she's alone. It helps her feel... not alone, ironically. But apparently she wasn't the only one listening in. "Two times is a good thing? That's tough, bud." Lapis whipped around, scared out of her mind. She freaked out even more when she saw the speaker. "Peridot! You heard all that? Oh my God, just kill me now." Peridot quickly rushed to Lapis, she knows statements like that aren't to be taken lightly with her. "Woah woah, nobody's dying today. It's okay, I won't tell anyone. But I will urge you to talk about it. If not to me, than someone else close to you, like Jasper." Jasper, right. She oughta be a big help. I'm better off asking y-- "I uh, I'm fine, Peridot. I should be able to manage. I have all my life, what would change that now?" Peridot sat down on a nearby bench and motioned for Lapis to sit next to her. That was odd.

"A lot of things, Lapis. I've known you for over three years now and I know you used to be a fun, happy girl. I'd always see you laughing and playing with Steven and Amethyst, having the times of your lives, you had no worries. And when you did, you never let them get to you. Not like you do now. Lapis, you can lie to me and tell me you're okay all you want, you can try convincing me that you don't need help all day long, but you'll never be able to convince yourself. And in ten years, when you're at a low you'd never even imagine of getting to, you'll think back to now, and you'll never be able to forgive yourself for not taking that extra helping hand. You'll wish you'd have just accepted your problems and dealt with them a reasonable way. But you don't have to go through that, just stop being in denial. I know it's hard, trust me, I've..." She stopped, and Lapis waited for her to continue. She had been looking down at her feet the whole time, too embarrassed to look Peridot's way. But after three more minutes of silence she glanced at Peridot and saw tears slowly roll down her eyes.

"Peridot? I..." Come on Lapis, do something right in your life for once. "I know you think I see you as just 'Jasper's best friend,' but... you're my friend too. At least, I'd like to think so. Those three years didn't count for nothing, I really like hanging out with you, even if it hasn't happened in a while. But this... this is... nice..." Silence. Normally Lapis wouldn't want anything more than to get out of this situation. She'd be panicking like crazy inside her head. But for some reason, she wants nothing more than to stay right here forever. Despite how shaky the conversation is going right now, it's the most connected she's felt with anyone in a while, including Jasper.

Peridot sniffs a couple times and wipes her tears away. "Yeah, it is... nice. Ya'know Lazuli, we were friends before Jasper came along." Lapis chuckles. "We were rivals, P." "Haha, yeah we were..." They burst out in laughter for a minute. "You're laughing." Peridot hears those words and tears roll down her face a second time. "You're crying. I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry again, I just--" Lapis bangs her hand on the bench. "I just screw everything up, even when I'm trying to help. I'm an idiot."

Peridot hides her face, trying to make Lapis feel less guilty. "No, no, it's not your fault. I guess I wasn't ready to go back to cheerful me. But I have to, you know? People hear Peridot Prismarine and they think, 'smart, happy, never in a bad mood, always positive'. But that's not me. I have a smorgasbord of emotions and feelings, and yet, I'm looked down upon when I break character. They expect me to be this image they have of me because it's 'who I am', but that's not me at all! I have problems, I have breakdowns, panic attacks. I cry late at night because I'm alone in the dark with no one to comfort me or because my parents yelled at me for no apparent reason. But I can't show these sides of me, I'm expected to hide them and be 'Peridot Prismarine, Director's Cut'."

Lapis is speechless. She's lost grip on reality, gone to another world, her homeworld, but this time Peridot's with her, and it's not just in Lapis' head. Peridot can feel the sensation too. "Y'know P, nobody uses the word 'smorgasbord' anymore." Peridot stares at her for a moment before laughing maniacally. "Lapis Lazuli, you really are a unique cut. It's no wonder Jasper talks about you so much." And again, Lapis is at a loss for words. Jasper talks about me? I always thought when she was with Peridot I was nowhere in her mind. I thought it was a time of sanctity for her. Huh. "Anyways..." Lapis snaps out of it, "I gotta get home, Mom's gonna kill me. I'll see you Monday, Lazuli." Then Peridot gets up and walks into the distance. "Can't wait, P."