Cheater | 박지민

十六

"The water is clear, but your wrists are stained. Your face says you're happy, but your eyes says pains."

"What-t? What do you mean?"

"Jimin, stop lying. I know you cheated. I know you didn't want me. I know you always lied about loving me. I know you lied when you said there are still people on this Earth that appreciates me. I kno- "

Tears was backing up behind my eyes as I stare at you with the picture frame now dug into my shaking body. With each word, the pain was building up and I could feel my breathing getting short. The pain of reality. It was all facts.

I looked at you with hope you'll deny it and hug me, laughing at how stupid I thought all of this was real. The last hope in me faded as I saw you being blank, staying firm at the place you stood.

"Babe-"

That word touched a mine in me as a simple click made my heart tore into tiny pieces no one would ever want to use to love, breaking the walls in my eyes as soon it flows out, the anger letting out from the cages in my throat.

"DON'T BABE ME! You fucking cheated and you're not even trying to explain. You never thought twice about how hurt I'll feel. You have always been selfish Jimin, heart as rock. You made me cry every night, losing hope of myself every minute it goes by-"

"I knew all of this all along. I know how much weight I have put on your chest. And I hated myself. I'm sorry."

Your head down which only hid your eyes yet I could see drops of tears falling onto the floor as it connects to my pain. Your back bending slight forward as a sign of losing the confidence to continue or maybe just not wanting to explain whatever.

"Well, explain."

I took a deep breathe as I inhale the deep silence of the air and awkwardness I never thought I will feel around you. To be honest I didn't want to know the answer and just skip all of this drama to a happily ever after.

After what felt like 10 years, there was no explanation from you, all I could see was your pursed lips being sealed against each other. I was disappointed as my heart dropped to the deepest hole I can ever find.

Shaking my head, I took a folded paper from my pocket with a single swift as if I was trained well to do it. I looked at it again and again, the sound that was ordering me to give it to you grew louder and louder.

Give it.

"It's been great."

The paper being shoved into your hands as my heels turned to the opposite direction which led to the bedroom. I gave up fully on knowing the truth as some truths are meant to be untold.

I wanted to pack my stuffs and get away from you as soon as possible, but you stopped me with a firm grip on my wrist you held, there was a moment when I wanted to be with you but... I remembered the pain in a second.

"Let go of me!" I pulled my wrist away but again you held tighter. Pulling back and forth. For the first time, I looked at you with hatred, screaming inside of me, I pulled with all my might and felt a slight delight when I saw your hand letting go.

But happiness never last forever, does it?

Soon, I found out I was losing balance with my legs getting tangled as the picture in my hand falls to the ground, shattering sharp pieces of glass and a big crack between the two of us.

With one last glance at you, I could feel a sharp pain from the back of my head, then I fall onto the ground with now a pool of red liquid around me.

The world kept on turning which left me dizzy with all lights around me being switching off one by one as I see the end getting near. I rest my head on the floor as my vision grows blurry till I didn't want to see anymore cause everything I see reminds me of you.

Closing my eyes, the only picture I could remember was you. You were the last thing I saw. You just looked so so broken like a child who just lose his Mother with so much walls broken down around you that I never noticed.

The raw you. The raw Jimin. The real Jimin. The actual Jimin behind all these masks was actually someone who's so hurt with 'I HATE MYSELF' written on your face.

Soon, I can't think anymore nor feel. Was it the end? Well...

I hope so. Cause I felt guilty instead.