Cheater | 박지민

一

❝ Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the person you never thought whom would ever hurt you.❞

I love you.

These words felt unfamiliar as it was remain unspoken for days but felt like decades to me.

You even started to come back late with scents that are different from yours. I missed the vanilla perfume on you ever since you came back with heavy alcoholic breaths.

I was always fine with it, it was hard yet to see you in this stage but I was determined to not let this get between us.

You always seem to not remember what happened the night when you were drunk, acting as if nothing happened.

Until one day, I saw a purple-reddish spot on your neck. With trembling hands, I took a closer look at it. I flinched immediately, taking steps away from you.

"No...no..." I shook my head hard, trying to change reality. It is a hickey. These words keep on sounding in my mind. Pain started to flow through my chest then to my heart. I clutched onto the collar of my shirt, hot tears  rolling down my cheeks. My legs soon gave in, leaving me on the floor curling like a fetus in a womb. I couldn't move anymore as I was tired from screaming, hitting myself up. But, my heart hurted deeply, it felt like there was no more reasons to live, to continue. That must be the definition of ultimate heartbreak.

But you just stood there, looking at me with bright innocent eyes as if you didn't know what was happening. Of course you didn't since you were completely drunk and you never had to go through the pain like I did. You never knew my world was crumbling down slowly every night. But that day, my world was never the same.

I knew I had to end this sooner or later.

But I didn't want to.

I love you.