Barely organic (ereri/riren! teacherxstudent)

Start Over

I was a near death with my heart like this. The air was thick and filled with a scent of wet dirt. The rain was just about giving up on drowning out town as levi prepared lunch. I sat amongst the living room couch watching him. Though all i could see was 1/4 or his face i sensed that he was at the border of sobbing endlessly. I broke his heart, again. I know by now we shouldn't be back at the beginning of this relationship but i just cant help but to think the way i do now. But, my logic is pointless, because i want to just wrap my arms around his tiny waist and cook with him, laugh with him, love with him. I kept letting my mind wander deeper and deeper into my heart as thr smell of homemade cooking came about. I fiddled with my fingers and rubbed him toes against the floor. 

Taking my chances before it was too late, i stood up. The couch made a creaking sound after I've done so, grabbing his attention. My heart was pounding as my mind went running, endless thoughts of outcomes and how fucked up I've been acting lately. I could feel my palms getting sweating from the anxiety so i balled them up. 

"Eren, dinner isnt ready.." levi mumbled while placing the pot of mash potatoes on the counter he turned back to me and leaned against it, giving me a puzzled look. I didn't reply as i was trying to figure out what i should do to show im sorry, thought it only made him worried, "eren" he continued, " right now isnt a good time to be silent...im trying to talk to you.." 

I sighed buy not in annoyance, mire so in fear, fear of me hurting him. I took one step forward while looking at him. I then began walking yo hum as he clenthched his body drowing a feeling of uncomfort. 

"Eren?" He questioned, "first you question me, then you dont answer me, and now your charging at me?? Eren if its about me making you run im sorry..." 

I held out my hands and gripped his arms, feeling my eyes get watery. My heart was beyond beating quickly, my hands turning red from me holding onto him so long.

"Eren your hurting me!" Levi yelped, and without hesitation i leaned against his body and pressed my nose ontop of his. I saw his face flourish with embarrassment.  I started crying as the tears rolled down my face and plop on the floor. 

"Levi...im sorry. For all the dumbshit i do. For making you go through feelings you didnt deserve. You deserve someome to love you and i want to be that person. I want to hold your hand everywhere we go and kiss you before the moon rises and bid us goodnight. I want you and i to love endlessly, full of passion and eventually lust. I...i cant live without you, not now levi!" 

Levi's eyes glisten as the kitchen light shunned above us. He's face of confusion and slight fear leaving as my grip loosen. This relationship is on its own roller coaster and i know its because of me, but I'm trying to salvage what's left of it, if he'll allow me to do so. My heart was pounding as levi stood there, motionless, somewhat shocked  as i felt my hands getting wetter from the constant heat. My mind was running with unlimited outcomes, but i tried to push them down as i waited anxiously for his reply.  

After what felt like forever,  the shorter male in front of me cracked a smile, and soon laughed.  The mood lighten as i hear his adorable dorky smile light up his face, glowing a little. Maybe cause of the angle on the light. His hands gripped my shoulders tightly, not wanting to let them go. He stood on his tiptoes trying to even out the height difference. I smile back as he slowly stops laughing while still keeping his smile. 

His voice went raspy as he lowkey swayed his hips from side to side, telling me calmly, " i've handle bullshit from men before but nothing like your's eren." He chuckled again before continuing, i cracked a bit myself knowing it was probably true, "and i get it, your still growing up, hormones are a bit screwed and your still figuring yourself out...which is why i feel as though we...we shouldn't be together right now. I'll call your mother..I'm sure she's worried sick about o you. Maybe, when the time is right, we can try again..." 

I stood there feeling my insides trembling, m6nheart heaving in sadness, my body unable to handle this right now. Is this what is feels like to go through a breakup? Why does it feel so horrible? Is he...just as heartbroken as me? These questions wouldn't stop swirling in my mind as i removed myself from levi. My eyes restrained leftover tears as i knew it wouldn't change anything.  I signed heavily, taking all of it in as Levi stood there reassuringly, understanding my pain. A lump formed in my throat as i choked on words to say. I didn't know how to handle this. It was new to me, like scrapping all your life plans and starting with nothing hut a new canvas, unsure where to start. 

I eventually gathered my thoughts and told him sure...i couldn't argue back...i was too tired and upset to do so. Levi walked closer to me, trying to co.fort me but i just moved back. The more time I spend with this man the more i'll grieve. 

"I...i'll just go home..." i spat out as i grabbed my bag. 

"You don't need to do that eren..its late and you need to eat-"

"I'm fine." I told him...knowing i wasn't but it all traced back to me being honest would be pointless.

"You need to eat and rest eren...i can take you home tomorrow afterschool..."

I held on tighter to my bag, sniffling and feeling my eyes swollen from tears, cheeks puffy from the warmth my cries buried. "I...i just want to leave levi...i can't right now. I just can't." I walked towards the door as heared levi telling me to stop or don't do it but i needed to let out these tears and i didn't want to do it before him. I unlocked and opened the door, closing it behind me as i walked out. The cool breeze from the night relaxed me as tears streamed downward, plopping on the ground. I semi knew my way around to my home so it wouldn't be so difficult. 

I can't believe this...even if we broken up...its going to be awkward afterschool...he'll treat me like nobody again...forget all we've done together. All this thinking angered me and me staying at his home wasn't helping. I had to start walking or ill never leaves even if it is just me sleeping on his front lawn. 

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*ABOUT TIME ITS FINISHED. LORDY I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT FROM ALL MY EMOTIONS...WELL THANKS FOR BEING THERE BY MY SIDE GUYS I'M SUPER DUPER HAPPY WE WAS A LET TO REACH 40 VOTES AND OVER 300 VIEWS!!! I HONESTLY AM LOST FOR WORDS RIGHT NOW, ESPECIALLY SINCE MY WRITING IT SH*TTY AS F*CK BUT YOU GUYS SEEM TO LIKE IT SO YAY!!! I CAN'T FORGET MY.PEEPS WHO ADD THIS TO THEIR LIBRARY...STORY COLLECTION..SOMETHING OF THAT NATURE..IT MEANS A LOT TO ME KNOWING YOU WANT TO READ EVERY CHAPTER I UPLOAD...BUT YEAH..ILL SEE YOU LOVELY PEOPLE LATER!!! HAVE A NICE DAY, EVENING, NOON, OR NIGHT.*