Bealy's Story

Chapter 9: A Big Leap With Small Steps

"Alright everybody. We're going to move on to a different topic now. Since you all were brought here for the same reason, let's talk about what causes us to get so angry. Is anger your only way of expressing your feelings? Why does using anger and rage feels so good?" The lady questioned in a calm manner. I've been in here for ten minutes and I already don't feel like being here. Why does this lady keep on insisting us to talk about our problems? Last time I checked, she isn't Dr. Phil. I just want these two months in here to be over. I'm getting tired of people trying to interrogate my life and asking me why I am, the way I am. Like I said before, my life is way too complicated for anyone to understand, so she might as well stop trying. "Bealy, is there something wrong? You seem a bit distant." I glance up at her. Her cool, calm, and collected style is making me sick. I averted away from her in disgust. "Did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to offend you..."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "There's no need to act so hostile towards us. We're a family, no matter how different we seem to be. We all have a special purpose." Family? Is this lady joking? Or, is she trying to start something with me? "You're not my family. So get that absurd idea out of your little brain! Got it!" I yelled. She stayed quiet for a few minutes. Everyone's eyes suddenly turns to me. "What!?!" "You didn't have to act like a complete douche. You should apologize to her." One guy sitting across from me said. "Oh yeah. Who's going to make me?" "Hey, I'm just saying. Miss Capleton is trying her best to help us with our rage, especially you. And ever since you got here, you've been throwing all of her kindness back in her face. It's sad man."

"Oh boo-hoo. Tell you what.... Since you're so concerned about her, why don't you go out buy a box of kleenex to wipe off her tears and leave me the hell alone? You don't know nothing about me." I replied back. At this point, the babysitter decide to shut his trap. Serve him right.

"Oh quit doing the tough girl act. It's getting very old." Violetta chimed in. "Ha! You're the one to talk. I'm getting tired of you being all up in my face." "Ladies, settle down. There's no need to argue. Please, have a seat so we can continue on with our session." Violetta and I kept our eyes glued onto to each other. "Violetta. Bealy. I said 'Have a seat!' This time we followed her instructions. "If you think you're so damn important, why don't you just leave?"

"What was that Violetta!?" I yelled at her. "Don't act like you didn't heard what I just said."

"Violetta, stop right there. You've said enough." Ms. Capleton called out. "You know what, maybe I should go. After all, the only reason why I'm here, wasting my time after school taking these stupid sessions is because of that power hungry snob. I should not be here, and so it's going to be." And with that, I stormed out the room. I've never felt so ridiculous in my life. I'm starting to think that I should never came to Brookhaven. "Bealy, wait. Don't listen to what Violetta said. She's just dealing with her little flaws." Ms. Capleton followed behind me after I left. I wasn't so far from the building when she finally caught help to me. "Her flaws has nothing to do with me. Now leave me alone.... I need some time to think."

"Alright. But remember, whenever you need to talk... I'm here. I don't know if you see it but there's a light in you. But whatever you have bottled up inside of you is preventing that light to shine. You can go on to do bigger and better things; being your own shining star. But first, you must know what you want out of life." I looked to the side, speechless. And although, it looks as though I'm frowning but deep down, it's the opposite. For a minute there, what she said reminded me of when I just learned about my dad's death a couple of years ago. "Where's Dad?"  That question is stuck on replay in my head. Even in my dreams, I would sum up an imaginary life of how things would've been like if he was still here. I didn't care what my mom had to say about him; I just wanted him back. There goes my complicated life being stuck on rewind, pause and play. "Thanks but no thanks. I'm fine. Now let me be." I walked away from her and head back to the dorm. I've had enough of everyone for today.

I unlocked my room door and went inside. After shutting the door, I slipped off my shoes and hopped into bed. For some reason I felt so tired. Thank God, today is Friday, the last friday in the month to be exact. I can't believe that I've been away from Miami for this long. If I was still in contact with some of my friends from my old school, they would've congratulated me. They would most likely describe me to be homesick. But I just love my neighborhood and love Miami. To me, there's no such thing as moving away. I feel pretty proud, but the pride in myself is fading. I stretched my arm towards the side dresser next to me and pull out a picture from my photo journal. It was a photo of me and my friends having fun while ditching school. Those were good times, I remember how much trouble I got in because of that. But I didn't care, it was just my way of living. As I'm laying here reminiscing about the old times, my phone rings. It was Aunt Charlotte.

"Wow, auntie. I've been here for almost a month and few weeks. And now is the time you decide to call to see how I am? I have to say, but you need to do better than that." I said bluntly. I waited for her reply but for some reason she didn't. "Hello. Are you there?" Still no answer. "Okay. If you think this is funny, then I'm hanging up. You know how much I don't like playing games over the phone like that." Just when I was about to press the end button, I heard somebody said "Wait!"

"Aunt Charlotte?" I was getting quite confused.

"B.B......................." My mind froze. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to call me. My body had heated up with rage. "Mom?"

"Hey baby. I'm so happy to hear your voice. I've missed you."

"Oh cut the horseshit, mom. We all know how you really feel. Where's Aunt Charlotte? Have you done anything to her?" I yelled. "Calm down. Calm down. She's fine, a matter of fact; she standing right next to me." She replied.

"Good. May I speak to her? It's urgent-" "I can't do that. I have something to tell you."

"What?! What do you possibly want with my life?!" I asked in rage. "I'm just calling to tell you that I'm sorry. For everything. For lying to your face, for not telling you the truth sooner, everything. I can barely sleep at night with having this issue stuck in my mind. I know I basically ruin your life, and that I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry. Will you forgive me?" The line goes quiet.

"No. You can go to hell. If you think making a phone call to me can make you sleep better at night, you're mistaken. You haven't ruin my life; you fucked it up. Real, real bad. And maybe if you have taken better responsibility for your actions, I would probably forgive you by now. But I can't. The wound you created is too hollow to fix up now. I'm done with you. I'm sorry, but this is goodbye.  .......... I never want to speak or hear from you again." And then I hung up. I can't even describe how I feel right now. I need some time to think. I need some time to think! URGHH! Tears started to stream along the sides of my face. Although I'm pissed, I tend to feel a little bit better. And there I was, sitting in solitude. It wasn't long, but I got my few moments to rethink about what I did  here and there. And at the end, I'm pretty satisfied at what just happened. A few minutes later, the room door opens.

"Bealy, are you alright?" Genny said as she made her way inside. "Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just tired of all the bullshit." She came over and sat down next to me. "What happen? Is the classes too much for you?" I shook my head. Genny then wraps her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. That was the first time I let someone hug me. I turned around and hug her back. I really need the comfort. "Look, Bealy. You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. It seems to me that it's none of my business." I giggled. I'm surprised that she still remembers that. "I just want to know that you're okay." "I'm fine. You don't have to worry." I pulled away and smiled at her. "Good."

"I've decided that I need better people in my life, and in doing so I wanna go and celebrate." "Haha ok, where you wanna go?"

"I don't know. But I know that there's a tattoo parlor near where the carnival was at. I figured that we could go and get us some tats." "What the hell! Why you wanna go and do that? Can't we go get something to eat or something? Besides, I'm getting pretty hungry."

"I've always wanted to get one. Are you coming or what? We can always get something to eat afterwards." She continues sit and reevaluates the situation. "Please. With pretty pink haired sugar on top."  I gave her my puppydog face. "Ah, Fine. But it better be quick." I grinned devilishly and hopped off the bed, grabbing the keys. "Trust me, it will quicker that you think." And with that, we both eventually left the campus. Man, this is going to be fun!