Chubs | KSJ

Cult Activities

Me and my fellow cultees, Jungkook, Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok, gather at my house. I bow to them as they enter, speaking the brothern greeting

"Burn the weeb." I whisper to Hoseok.

"Burn him we shall."He repeats, bowing his head.

They line up before me, hands clasped in front of their chests. The low candle lights flicker around us, dancing shadows across the walls.

"Brothers." I say. "We gather here for a once in a life time opportunity. To burn the weeb."

"BURN THE WEEB!" They chant.

"Are the sacrifices prepared?" I ask

Jungkook steps forward with his wifeu pillow hugged to his side, chin down with respect. "We are prepared."

I sigh" brother, you do indeed show to be most worthy of this blessing. What an honor it is to be the sacrifice. I myself would have been the upmost willing to be the sacrifice. Sadly, I do not dabble in such.... activities."

"Thank you. I am truly honored to die an honorable weeb death."

I bow. "Brother Tae, the staff please." I hold out my hand. Tae places the staff made of Popsicle sticks and glitter in my hand. "Thank you to brothers Taehyung and Hoseok for the ceremonial staff. It is by the power invested in me that I bless you, brother Jungkook and brother wifeu, deeming you a worthy sacrifice. May your going be peaceful." I extend the staff, taping their shoulders.

"BURN THE WEEB" we chant.

I turn to Yoongi "brother, do you have the flame of purity?"

Yoongi pulls out his lighter, flashing it open  in front of his face with a smirk.

"Let us-"

The door opens, allowing the bright sun to illuminate our blackened ceremony room. Jin walks in, dressed semi-formally. He takes a step back, eying our black cloaks and masks. Standing in the doorway, he debates weather to run with dignity or run the way he wants, squealing like dying dog toy.

"AISH! CLOSE THE D*MN DOOR YOURE KILLING THE MOOD!"

"Yoongi?" Jin says surprised" what is going on here?"

" The ceremony, Brother." I say calmly.

"BURN THE WEEB!" We chant, bowing.

"Nuh uh." Jin shakes his finger at us" I ain't messing with this demon crap."

He runs off to the kitchen, closing the door.

I turn back to the sacrifices. "Let us commence out side on the pole of justice."

Jin comes back with a bowl of water, taking it on his fingers and flicking it at us" BEGONE DEMONS! BEGONE!!" He screams with the holiness of an angel warrior.

We flinch back. Jin continues to flick the water, the lot of it flinging on Namjoon.

"MY EYE!!" Namjoon cries, falling to the floor, curling up into fetal position, defeated.

Soon we're all drenched.

Jin points at us "we are going to Jimin's recital and that's final!"

Jungkook glares from the floor "you're cruel." He spits

"DO WHAT I SAY!" Jin yells, arms out behind him like an angry little penguin.

"YOURE NOT MY REAL DAD!" Jungkook cries in pain, crumbling to a ball. Namjoon pats his back sympathetically.

"Can't we just say we're gonna go then not really go?" I ask with a pout.

Jin shrugs" Yeah okay, we say we're gonna say we're not gonna go then not really go but then actually go, saying that we're gonna go."