AS I PUSH YOU AWAY

Chapter 1: UNEXPECTED HUG

SOPHIA IZABELLE

I was munching my pizza and fries in the school cafeteria when I noticed that most of the people turned their gazes on me na pilit tinatago ang mahihinang tawa nila with a hint of a little sympathies in their eyes.
Like I'm a sort of a cat that looks so terrible and left out that's why the dogs are keep on barking at me.

Consciousness surrounds my whole being. Kinapa ko ang aking mukha, I tried fixing my hair to suit myself better. Kumuha na rin ako ng wet wipes to wipe my face if ever there's something wrong.

But as I look at my handy mirror, there was none.

Then suddenly, I felt someone hugging me from the behind. Followed by another one, and another one, and then there were many who enveloped their arms around me and then tapping my shoulder afterwards while laughing their lungs out.

I am so confused by what the hell was happening in me.

Kinapa ko ang likurang bahagi ng aking katawan at napatigil nang dumapo ito sa isang papel. Tinanggal ko ito at tiningnan ang nakasulat,
"I AM AN ORPHAN."

For a while, I felt like I'm a bomb na sa isang kalabit lang I was going to explode.

I'm not even an orphan but I feel like I am. I mean, with a father away from me and a mother who implemented the meaning of favoritism to me that made me feel out of place to a place they call home?
I guess that's it, I am really near to being an orphan -- no, not near. I am really an orphan.

Nilamukos ko ang papel. I stood up and throw the fucking paper in the trash bin. I returned to my corner and continued eating as if there was nothing happened earlier. But the truth is,
I want to lure whoever idiot did this shit to mister grim ripper so that he will console that bastard to death. I wanna punch that asshole so hard.

But nah, I don't have the guts to do so. It's not that I'm afraid but I just feel like I don't have the confidence to do it.

As soon as I finished my dinner, I immediately headed towards the exit of the cafeteria not minding the gazes of the people around me.

Nang umabot ako sa may pinto, napahinto ako nang may yumakap na naman sa akin. To be honest, I'm so irritated by the sudden gesture of this guy. Hindi ko alam kung sinadya ba nya ito upang maipakita ang kanyang simpatiya.

But as I was about to push him away, he whispered something on my ear,
"You deserve the world. You are loved."

I was froze on my spot, can't hardly move.

Napatingin ako sa kanya ng kusa siyang bumitaw sa pagkakayakap sa akin and I saw an angel displaying his heartwarming smile on me na parang ang yakap niya'y umabot na sa aking puso.

Para na rin niyang niyakap ang puso ko sa ngiting iyon.

I maybe out of my senses but I felt like there was only the two of us that moment and everything that surrounds us were just blurs and murmurs.

Half running to our dorm with a wallet and a handkerchief on my right hand, I still can't stop thinking about what happened earlier.

The paper, the hugs, the guy, his statement and his smile.

Damn.

That fucking smile.

I managed to open the door at our dorm at agad na humiga sa kama without changing to my usual sleeping outfit. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it as if it was that guy who hugged me in the cafeteria.

Sleeping didn't come to my nerves. My eyes are wide open. And my mind still can't get enough of that mysterious guy whose identity I did not know.

I remembered, after that astonishing smile of him, he exited, leaving me still stoned on my corner. I did not even grabbed my chance to even throw a reply to him. But what's new? That's me being a loser. That's me letting my fear conquering my whole being. Because I'm afraid that if I will speak, I will try being friends with him. And I don't want that to happen. It's not my nature on giving trust to temporary people.

But still, after him giving me a wonderful hug. For the first time, I felt like there's someone na pinaparamdam sa akin kung ano ang halaga ko sa mundo.

An unexpected but wonderful hug...

Isang yakap na hindi ko inaasahang magpatibok ng aking puso.