AS I PUSH YOU AWAY

Chapter 3: DEFEATED

SOPHIA IZABELLE

We were told to go to the library to research about William Shakespeare's famous tragedic play, Romeo and Juliet.

Being in the library is a life for me for I am a bookworm. And yep, I'm so in favor of the said idea.

So here I am, quietly reading Shakespeare's work.

I found it relatable how parents need to neglect their daughter's choice of happiness just to follow their own will.

Like my dad, who left us para lang masunod ang kanyang sariling kaligayan. And like my mom also, na pinipiling mag asawa muli upang matugunan ang puwang sa kanyang puso.

Why can't they be thoughtful about what their daughter has to feel?

Are all parents like that?

I guess so...

I found it ironic how people can do anything about love even if it means killing themselves.

Bakit nila isasakripisyo ang kanilang mga sarili sa ibang taong hindi naman nila kadugo?

I just couldn't get it why human beings tend to sacrifice themselves for someone they love?

Is embracing death hugs the definition of Love?

Lots of questions to ask.

Answers nowhere yet to be found.

If that's the case about love, then I don't want cupid to shoot his fucking arrow to me.

I don't wanna fall in love.

Because when you're in love, even if you know that pain is in inevatable, you will be capable in choosing to experience the capacity of being in love than being heartless.
In contradiction with that, I'd rather be heartless than heartbroken.

Tiniklop ko ang aklat at ibinalik sa shelves pagkatapos kong basahin ito.

Bumalik ako sa classroom.

Good thing, there's no one here, nagpasya akong matulog.

Nangalumbaba ako sa armchair ko and scanned my playlist. I sucked my earphones on my ears and peacefully closed my eyes.

Nang idilat ko ang mga mata ko, bigla akong napabalikwas ng bangon dahil sa nakita ko.

Fuck!

You wanna know why?

Ang mukha lang naman ni Nate ang bumungad sa'kin na ilang metro lang ang layo sa mukha ko habang nakasaksak ang isang earphone ko sa tainga niya at nakapikit ang mga mata.

What has gotten into the nerves of this guy? Ugh!

Nagising ko ata ang kupal because of the noise coming from the chairs around us nang dahil sa pagkabigla ko sa kanya at tumayo.

And damn, my precious cellular phone fell on the floor.

Damn this guy.

Dahan dahan niyang kinusot ang mga mata niya at ngumiti sa'kin.

"Good Morning, Sophie.",
he greeted

"Good Morning your ass! Sira ka ba?!
Bakit ka naman natulog sa tabi ko? And you even dare took my earphone while I'm unconscious huh? Why can't you just st--"

Napaatras ako ng kaunti nang bigla niya na namang inilapit ang mukha niya sa'kin.

"So you're fond of Mayday Parade, huh?"

Hindi agad ako nakasagot dahil sa gulat at tinitigan lamang siya.

"Alam ko namang gwapo ako but quit staring. You can stare at my handsome face all day without blinking. Sabihan mo lang ako."

At inilapit pa niya lalo ang mukha niya sa'kin habang nakangiti ng todo.

I felt my cheek reddened.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Can you stay away from me? I'm so annoyed by your presence. Didn't you know that?"

Nakita kong biglang nawala saglit ang ngiti niya ngunit kalaunan ay bumalik rin sa dati.

"Kung naiirita ka sa kagwapohan ko ngayon, hayaan mo, sa susunod maiirita ka naman sa pagaalala kung paano mo ako itakwil dyan sa puso mo.
A'right, babe? And please, cut the cuss. See you later, babe. Bye",
sabi niya at lumabas na ng classroom leaving me speechless.

Ewan ko ba, everytime he spoke, walang salita na lumalabas sa bibig ko.
It's like his words were his sword and blunting was my shield to a battle I couldn't win.

A war of my heart and brain.

A battle between emotions and mind.

A war of love and wisdom.

A battle between feelings and pride.

A war between annoyance and comfort.

A battle.

His battle.

My battle.

Our battle...

between love and pain.

And I accept my defeat...

I am defeated.