The "18" Chronicles

Drowning in Front of Everyone

           

MAY

May 30th

"Well, Menelik, do you have anything to say this time?" Dr. Green asked as if he already knew the answer. 

            Menelik rolled his eyes, shifted in the armchair and, and for the millionth time, glanced at the clock embedded in an amethyst stone on Dr. Green's cluttered desk. Though it was only 4:30 pm and the session just started only thirty minutes ago, he was already counting down to when he could leave.

Just thirty more minutes and I'm done with therapy for good! Menelik feigned a cough to disguise a smile.

Shuffling his black Vans on the plush cream colored carpet, Menelik made a show of looking around the room to avoid answering Dr. Green's question. The room was quite familiar to Menelik at this point: the earth tone walls covered in framed degrees from South Carolina State University, the incongruous African artwork, the ever present scent of a mahogany teakwood candle, and lastly, the picture of Dr. Green's family on his desk. It must have been taken at least a decade ago as the young boy in it, Dr. Green's son, Jonathan, sat next to Menelik in one of his classes senior year just a few months ago. In the photo, a then visibly less gray and crabby Dr. Green, his beaming wife, and young Jonathan, all in matching white linen outfits, smiling and playing in the ocean. It was a beautiful picture of a beautiful black family. The kind of family Menelik hoped to someday have. The kind of family he wished he had now.

            "Menelik?" Dr. Green repeated with concern.

            "What, Dr. Green? Dang! Why are you staring at me like that?" Menelik always felt a little satisfaction whenever he could agitate the therapist, as though he'd won a small battle in a long war.

            Dr. Green put his pen and paper down in his lap and clasped his hands, staring at Menelik with his serious yet kind eyes. "Sometimes, Menelik, I really wonder what it's like to be in your shoes."

            Menelik thought to himself for a moment, debating on whether to respond. But it was his last therapy session and he'd never have to see Dr. Green again. "Once when I was a little kid, my parents took my older brother, RaSean, and I to a water park. We were in one of those wave pools. You know the ones I'm talking about?"

            "Yes, I do." Dr. Green was listening intently, as Menelik rarely revealed anything personal.

            "So, I'm a little kid, floating in an inner tube, enjoying myself when a big wave comes and knocks me off the tube into the water. I tried to get back in my tube, but it was gone. I tried to get out of the pool, but all of the other people were blocking the surface. Like, I could see the surface. It was right there, just inches away from me, but I couldn't reach it. Everything started to get dark and blurry, and I sank to the bottom of the pool. I stayed there, at the bottom, just looking at the surface. Where everyone was too busy having fun to notice or care that I was gone. I sat at the bottom of that pool, running out of air, my head and chest on fire, and, at that moment, I knew I was gonna die. Just inches from the surface. But it was okay. I was at peace. I even remember thinking, 'Finally, some alone time'."

Menelik paused, staring at his Vans for a while.

"Drowning in front of everyone without anyone noticing." Menelik lifted his head to look his therapist in the eye. "That's what it feels like to be in my shoes, Dr. Green."

            "You're with us now, thank goodness," Dr. Green said after a long pause. "How'd you get out of the water that day?"

            "My brother got me out."