newsies fics

dear racer, - sprace

Dear Racer,

I don't know why the fuck I'm being so formal, it's not like you're ever gonna actually see this stupid letter that Sniper said would 'help me sort out my feelings'.

Yeah, feelings. I don't know, Race. It just sort of happened. We became friends during the strike and I guess slowly, it escalated into more. I see you with all these other people, them leaning into you, and whenever I see you with someone else, my heart cracks inside but I can't say anything because I'm just your best friend.

Best friend. What a stupid term. I never thought I'd have a close friend, yet alone a best friend, and here I am wishing for it to be something even more.

It sucks, you know? Unrequited love. It sucks as much as anyone says it does. You never understand the pain until you live through it. I never thought I would. But here I am. Pining over you, someone who will never love me back.

Race, I don't know what to do. You're my best fucking friend but I can't say anything because I don't want to ruin it.

A sharp knock on the door of his small room made Spot jump, moving to cover the letter. Sniper walked in, a mischievous smile on her face as she perched on the same table Spot was writing on. "Heya, Spot. How's the letter goin'?"

The leader of Brooklyn sighed, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes. "Fine, I guess. I don't see where this will get me though. It seems like a whole lotta bull crap, especially when I'm not telling him."

The smaller girl looked at the paper that Spot's hands were covering protectively. "Can I read it?"

"Isn't that a little private-" Spot started to protest but stopped when Sniper wedged the paper out from under his hand.

"Okay, I'm gonna be right back." Sniper folded up the paper, putting it in her bra, sent Spot another cunning smile and dashed out of the room he was in.

It all happened so suddenly that Spot didn't even have time to take the paper back from her. Rushing out the door behind the faster newsie, his breath caught in his throat as he saw the blond hair, blue eyed boy holding the note that Spot had written not 3 minutes ago.

"Race," Spot breathed out and Race's head snapped towards the shorter boy.

"Did you write this?" Race held the note up and internally, Spot cringed. On the outside, he nodded, desperately trying to keep a calm facade.

"Guilty," Spot admitted and Race's eyes softened slightly. "What do you think?"

"Gosh, Spot. What do I think?" Race laughed nervously and Spot felt his heart beat in his throat. "First off, I think this was a horrible fucking way to find out. Second, I don't know how you expect me to drop everything in Manhattan and come here and be your boyfriend?" Spot opened his mouth to protest, he never said that. Nor would he ask Race to do that. But Race wouldn't let him get a word in. "You also know I've been seeing Angela? How is that fair for her? None of this is fair Spot. I love you, but I can't do this. It would be too complicated."

Spot felt his shoulders slump and his breathing become ragged as he looked at Race, his cheeks red and his chest puffing out in anger. "I never meant for you to find out. It said right in that letter that you weren't ever gonna see it. I never wanted you to find out. I just wanted a place to get my feelings out. Okay? Sue me, or whatever the fuck you want."

"I'm leavin'. Okay? Don't expect to hear for me from a while." Race grabbed Spot's hand tightly before replacing his hand with the offending letter. Spot's hand felt like it was on fire and all he wanted to do was throw the letter on the ground and stop on it until it was no longer legible. But he couldn't. It wasn't his.

"Racer. This isn't mine." Spot stepped forward and handed the words he poured his heart into to the boy he loved. "It's addressed to you. It's yours."

Race had an unreadable look on his face as he looked down at the paper. "I gotta go."

Spot stood there silent as he watched Race walk out the front door. When it slammed shut, Spot whirled around to face Sniper who was currently trying to hide in her cap. "I told you that that letter was private."

"I'm sorry! You should see how he looks at you! He loves you, he just doesn't want to admit it to himself!" Sniper replied, jumping up and placing a hand on Spot's bicep. "I know! What we can do is-"

"Sniper! We're not doing anything besides leaving him alone. He needs time to process and we have to accept that." Spot sighed, twiddling his thumbs. "I gotta take a walk."

Spot wasn't sure where he was walking to exactly. But when he got to the Brooklyn bridge, he stopped. He was walking towards Race, not even realizing it.

After walking aimlessly for a few minutes, he heard grunts of cries and anguish in an alleyway near him. Picking up his speed into a run, Spot felt his heartbeat quicken as he hears a familiar voice cry out for help.

"You're a fucking fag, you did this to yourself." Morris grunted out, pushing Race into a wall.

Race's head hit the alleyway wall with a sickening crack and Oscar snickered, ripping up the letter that caused so much trouble between Race and his best friend, and then looked at his brother before they both left quietly. "Race." Spot ran over to the blond boy and grabbed his face. "Racer." No response. A sob wracked through Spot's body as he moved his hand to the back of race's head, his hand stained red with blood. "Anthony." Spot brought his head towards Race's, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have stopped you. Made you talk to me. I'm so fucking sorry."

Race heard a sharp gasp behind him and found Sniper behind him, hands covering her mouth. "Spot,"

Spot pulled Race's body closer to him, tears running freely down his cheeks. "Don't. Fucking don't. Just go."

Sniper went to protest but when she saw Spot slump over Race's body, she stopped, leaving Spot to mourn over the boy he loves. Little did Spot know, the reason that Sniper came after him was because in her pocket there was a letter that was addressed Dear Spot, and that was signed Forever Yours, Anthony. Race just didn't know how to tell Spot that he was the one that he wanted to be taking on dates. Instead, he overreacted. On the walk back to the Brooklyn lodge, Sniper cried because she'll never be able to see Racetrack Higgins and Spot Conlon have the happy ending they deserved.