A/N: Sorry, this one hasn't been proofed either and is probably a mess as I have a chest infection and haven't been sleeping. I'm really not sure about this one, but I need to just keep pushing on. Love you all. A xxx
I rolled over again, tossing, turning, and unable to settle even though it hadn't yet gone midday. It had been that way every day for three days, and waiting for Glen's return was starting to take it's toll on me. I wasn't a patient woman.
Beside me, Conn's breathing was even and deep as he lay in a peaceful slumber, but my mind was too preoccupied to join him. I didn't hold his peace against him, goodness knows he deserved some rest after everything he'd been through, but I couldn't believe that I deserved the same. Not while we were once again waiting; waiting for news or for the other boot to drop, and waiting while Abrođen suffered.
As Milbank slept, Fenn would be fighting for his survival in Valhalla, provided Tiw let him fight at all. I suspected that fighting and losing night after night wouldn't be as torturous for Fenn as being made to kneel, without even the illusion of rebellion. He'd only just regained a modicum of control over his life, only just regained the ability to fight Tiw, and now Tiw would own him more completely than he ever had before.
Admitting defeat I dragged myself from bed, donning joggers and vest top before heading through to the living room. Only when I flicked on the television the Nat Geo Wild channel appeared on the screen, along with an image of a large, grey wolf. My heart squeezed painfully, and the ache only grew worse as Gífre and Frec pressed closer, seemingly concerned by the choking sound which escaped me. I managed to ruffle their fur, but I couldn't stay there, with two worried lupine faces watching me.
"Good boys. Stay. Look after Leof. Go on, this once you can go join him in the bed," I murmured, then headed for the door.
My usual drop from penthouse to ground floor was as soundless as walking would've been, and I made my way down to the basement without attracting any attention. It was only there that I ran into Oliver, one of our sentries, as he carried two cups of coffee back from the small kitchen to the CCTV room where he and another would be monitoring the feeds coming from various house cameras and cameras in other places of importance; Requiem, what was left of our donor agencies, an so on.
The sentry looked at me accusingly, "Can I put the coffee down before you knock me out, Sire?"
"Why would I...?"
My voice trailed off as I considered how many times I'd sent sentries, and even Gunner and Conn, to sleep in order to leave Milbank.
"I'm just going to the dojo," I amended. "I'm not trying to leave the house. I promise. You and your coffee are safe."
Oliver seemed relieved. "Thank goodness for that. I know you have your reasons when you leave, but you could just tell us you're going out. Most of us would accept that you have your reasons for everything you do. Most of us would trust you."
Forcing a smile, I admitted, "But most is not all. Plus, getting out of the house unseen isn't the only reason I choose to make people sleep. I'd rather not force you to choose between me and Conn, or me and Gunner, even. If you're asleep, Conn can't accuse you of choosing to let me do something reckless without calling for him immediately. It's bad enough that Lex faces the brunt of his 'letting Darcy do risky shit' tantrums without other sentries facing the same."
Tipping his head, Oliver appraised me. "Yet we would happily share that burden with Lex. We love Conn. We are loyal to him. He's our Sire and has been for longer than many of us have been alive. We understand his fear of loosing you and can accommodate his outpouring of frustration when you choose to circumvent getting his permission to do something. But we also love you. We are also loyal to you. You are our Sire too, and we saw you stand for us so many times when you could barely stand for yourself. We trust you. Even though none of us particularly like the feeling of powerlessness we feel when we wake up, face down on the desk in front of the bank of CCTV monitors, realising you flicked our brain's off switch so easily. That makes us feel very small."
