Can Nobody Hear Me? Jacksepticeye AU

Chapter 16

Chase was just laying in bed, staring a hole into the wall, when he felt the end of the bed sink. "You know I saw, right?" Marvin's voice was soft but too soft. Chase wasn't asking for sympathy or pity; he just wanted Marvin to never bring it up and forget about it. Surely it wasn't that big a deal, even to his best friend. There were worse things Chase could do. Chase's mouth was too dry to speak so Marvin decided to continue anyway. He reached out for Chase's arm that was covered by a plain black hoodie. He, ever-so-gently, lifted the sleeve up to reveal the damage Chase had done to his own body. Marvin's breath hitched so Chase snapped his arm away from his friend's grip.

"Marvin, don't tell anybody please... I'm fine. I don't do it often, only when it's really bad and- and it helps." Tears were beginning to spill down Chase's cheeks, making him look small and vulnerable. Despite being a fully grown adult, he might as well have been a little kid again due to how fragile he seemed.

"It doesn't help. As much as you think it does. You shouldn't do this to yourself..." Marvin's own voice was trembling too and Chase frowned as he saw a tear slip from his friend's eye.

"Please don't cry. I- I'll stop. Just please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you. I love you, okay?"

Chase let out a broken sob at Marvin's final statement because he knew it was purely platonic. Maybe that was for the best because he was still figuring out the mess of feelings he was withholding.

"Why would you do this though? You're so- so beautiful and amazing and Stacy never deserved you. You're safe here and none of us will ever leave you or- or hurt you. You're seriously loved, Chase..." It was becoming hard for the magician to speak as his tears picked up and he let out his own, broken sobs. All he wanted was for his friend to find happiness.

"It helps me feel like I have control and can- can feel, you know? I just feel so fucking numb all the time and I hate it. I hate doing it and wish I wouldn't but I need to."

"Listen to me," Chase sat up and Marvin wrapped his arms around his neck. Their faces were just inches apart and Chase could literally feel the magician's warm breath against his face. "You do not need to. If you ever feel like you do, come speak to me instead, I'm begging you. I'll do anything I can to distract you."

"I'm such a burden already though... You buy all my kids the stuff I can't afford and that's more than enough. I don't want you to have to look after me too like- like I'm a kid. I'm an adult; I- I can survive on my own."

Marvin shook his head. "I want to help you. I'm choosing to do this. You aren't a burden at all and I would never ever replace you with someone else," Marvin leaned forward and, for one bizarre moment, Chase thought he was going to kiss him. His lips simply brushed Chase's pale cheek but that was enough to send his heart into a frenzy. "Talk to me next time, please." Chase nodded but he wasn't really paying attention anymore. His body felt weak and he felt a little lightheaded after being so close to his best friend. Whatever the feelings were that he had, they were not good and he needed to get rid of them as soon as possible.

-

Chase had thought up a solution to his whole 'feelings' problem. Sort of. He was going to try and avoid the magician as much as possible which had the potential to hurt him but it would hurt so much less than if Marvin found out about the way he felt. If he did, there was about a 90% chance that Chase would be kicked out and would have to live on the streets with his two children who had done absolutely nothing wrong. He couldn't risk that, even if it did leave a 10% chance that he would still be able to live in the house.

So, when Marvin asked if Chase and the kids wanted to go the cinema to see a movie that had recently came out. Chase reluctantly declined, making up some excuse about needing to film some extra videos to bump up his revenue. He could try and record more but his subscriber count was continuously declining and there wasn't much he could do about it. All the comments were things like 'You've lost all of your energy. You're just not the same anymore, sorry' and 'You look depressed, man. Maybe get some help or some shit because it just isn't fun watching a dude doing trick shots, looking like he'd rather be dead'. Most of the comments were true because Chase had lost most of his enthusiasm for the platform after going through the abuse with Stacy. He had lost his enthusiasm for a lot of the things he had once enjoyed.

"Are you sure? Last week you were really excited to go." Marvin questioned, his eyes fixed into an interrogative stare. He was one of the only people who could read Chase like an open book. It was horrible, especially after Marvin had found out about Chase's unhealthy coping mechanisms.

"I'm sure. Have fun though." Chase kissed Sammy on the forehead and pat Alex's back before turning around and going upstairs to record.

Hi today I've been possessed or something because I feel reasonably... positive? Weird. I just wanted to say I'm lowkey proud of how the first part of this chapter turned out. I feel like Chase's vulnerability and desperation was portrayed quite well :)