We love short shorts!

Life-coaching from my cat

Dear human,

As you know I try not to involve myself in unimportant things however it has come to my attention that you sorely need some help and advice. It is actually painful to see you get things so wrong so I will give you the assistance you need. Your thanks can be demonstrated in my food bowl instead of an unseemly fuss.

Firstly, I notice you use words like "unproductive", "lazy" and "procrastinate" far too much. Look to me! I am not "unproductive" I am a valuable and ornamental addition to any space I choose to curl up in. I am not "lazy" I am properly focussed on what matters (which happens to be the well-being of an important personage such as myself). I do not, not, NOT ever procrastinate...rather I give myself over fully to the important business of soaking up sun.

Do not waste your time failing at your lengthy to-do lists instead like me focus on what is truly important (and chase a blade of grass if it takes your fancy of course). Do not waste your life bemoaning the lack of this or the dearth of that instead find someone to rub up against and purr and your bowl will be always full. Do not anguish yourself with getting in that horrid vehicle and rushing off to goodness knows where when you should be sitting still for my concert of purring in a quiet room. You could join me (this is how gracious I am) on this pile of clean washing that mysteriously keeps appearing, I assure you it is a very comfortable and fragrant place to sleep.

There is so much more I would like to say, but I am about to go an investigate the puddle of water in the bathroom and then give the armchairs a proper kneading and scratch to keep them in line. In all things remember to take me as your role model and your success in life will be assured.

With a whisker-twitching headbutt

I remain

Your overlord.