It's Complicated

One

You don't always get to decide what you want, what you like, what you need, or even - what you are. Yes, what you ARE.

I found out about it when I was 13. That was THE time. Didn't think it through at first but now, two years later, the fifteen years old me for sure knows that I, Choi Youngjae is indeed falling in love with my best friend, Im Jaebum.

There are six bestfriends in total. We practically grew up together in a decent neighborhood. Our houses were pretty much close to each other except for mine and Mark. Me and Mark lives 5 minutes away from the other five. But we were pretty close. There is this park that connect two neighborhoods - that's how all seven of us met.

We have Mark. The oldest. He is 17, senior year is coming at him but he couldn't care less. He is THE quiet ones in the pack. Beside from us, he doesn't really that many friends beside his friends in L.A. yes, he is Americans. He is also the one who always gets the spotlight with his beautiful, handsome face. Every girl wants to be with him but we all know he have a secret boner for Jinyoung

Who is Jinyoung you asked? That's the geek in the group. He is always seen with either a book or, a damn book. No one ever saw him with no book on his hand. He is 16 by the way and yes, in love head over heels with Mark. They got together last year as Jinyoung reached 15. Mark said that he is waiting for Jinyoung to grow up a little bit so that they could feel comfortable with each other and here we are. But, only I know their little dirty secret. They were very cautious about it. I know because, well I am also gay and I took the opportunity to actually tell them, about Jaebum.

Jaebum is a very - this is what Jinyoung said - a very straightforward guy with nothing that come out of his mouth, he will regret. He is also openly hates skinships; both between men and women. He just hates them generally. Except for cats though, he doesn't mind cats - what a cat lady. But we all know he is very nice. Just, hates people slapping their body onto him - that's what Jinyoung said. To me, he is wonderful. Everything from top to bottom, he is so perfect. After Mark, he was popular for his cold and chic behavior and that, what makes me interested at him. He always there for me; despite being that 'tsundere'.

Once, I got a fight with Mark in the park for not listening carefully to him. I didn't even pay attention towards Mark at that time, I think my mind were roaming around. He was asking me if I took his book but since I was at a state where I was pretty unconscious; I reply with a simple 'no'. He almost punched me in the face but Jaebeom was there to stop him.

"Why did you raised your hands on Youngjae?" Jaebeom scoffed.

"He wasn't listening to me and answering with such light hearted?" Mark said with his fingers keep on pointing at me.

I still remember that day, up until now, 5 years later. That's where I first had my eyes on Jaebeom. I didn't ask for it. I never knew myself until 3 years later.

"Hyung!" I startled. I look behind my shoulder and saw Yugyeom, our youngest with of course his bestfriend, second youngest.

"What class do you have today?" Yugyeom asked with his arms wrapped around my shoulder.

"probably Biology" I answered. He immediately chuckles. I looked at him, puzzled. "why are you laughing?"

"what do you mean 'probably'?" he asked. I honestly don't get the joke but I chuckles along

"what is it?"

"nah- it sounded like you really don't know your schedule." He said as we walk through the aisle.

"oh you mean the word 'probably'?"

"yeah"

"you went to school not knowing your schedule?" Bambam interrupted.

I chuckles, thinking what should I answer them. Looking at them laughing at my clumsiness seems adorable.

"well, I 'yolo-ing'" I answered and they just laugh them out.

Yugyeom and Bambam practically were born the same day. That's why they are bestfriend and when we met, they were together too. Almost cannot be separate.

"hey"

Yugyeom stopped and turned around. The man approached us and give Yugyeom and fist bummed. Bambam then followed.

"why, aren't you guys early today?" he asked, smirking.

"it's 7.40 a.m how are we early?" Bambam scoffed.

"yeah that's early for both of you" he nudged both of their head.

"Youngjae?"

I startled. My body legit jumped because I was shocked. "y-yes" I answered.

"woah you don't have to be startled like that. You seem tense" Jaebeom touches my back and honestly I got the chills.

"anything that Mark do?" he continues with such worrying eyes of his.

"no- no of course not. It's been a while since we have our fight so, everything is good." I smiled to ensure him that we are better than ever.

"you've been concern with Mark-hyung for a while now huh" Bambam said, smirking.

"nah, after he broke the air conditioner - my dad's car - and throw hands on Youngjae, I just had this older brother sense to protect him" I brighten. My eyes were so wide. I wasn't shock, I was amazed. But, 'older brother'. Did, did I just got brotherzone? "Plus, I was the only child. If I had to pick between you guys to be my little brother, obviously it's going to be Youngjae" shit - double blow. I get it Jaebeom I get it, I'm just a little brother to you.

But, you meant the world to me.

"I, I gotta go. My classmates were waiting for me" I said, in a rushed. Well, I don't have classmates that will wait for me but, for now I just need to go. I bowed to Jaebeom and ruffles the maknae's hair and walk my way out of that 'bro-zone'

Never thought hearing someone said you feels like a little brother could be this hurtful. Was I too quiet about it? Was he never realizing how I get so red whenever he is around me. Didn't he see how stuttering I am whenever I talk to him? Is he really that blind to see? Was I not being obvious enough? Do I need to like kiss him or something? This ain't 'The Kissing Booth' for fuck sake.