Letters of Myls Valentine

Heartbeat

Heartbeats.

It is the proof that we are alive, that we have blood flowing through our veins, that we are human. It beats in the middle of our chest, but it has different beats.
Fast, normal, slow.
Fast when we're excited, scared, or surprised.
Normal when we're, well, normal.
Slow when we go into deep thought, in love, in deep emotional state.

What does this have to do with you, though?

I feel all of it. When I'm with you. When I talk to you. When I look into your ever gleaming and charming slanted eyes of brown. When I see you leave to go home.

Fast. Very fast. I'm excited to see you every lunch, break, or when I go home. Wild but in control, like there's a horse running in my chest itching to cross the finish line.
Surprised, to always hear a new story, whatever it may be, knowing you bit by bit, having a deeper understanding of who and what you are.

Normal, but not. It is never normal with you. It's always teetering at the edge of either end. Your presence calms whatever anger or malice is stored within me.

Slow. As if time has already stopped. I overthink. A lot. When I think what you'll react or say to something, my mind goes crazy. I don't know if you'll like whatever it is I'm saying or giving, or what I look like, conscious AF, because I don't want to suddenly scare you away, lose you, or one day wake up without you in my life. Just the thought of it messes me up. And to think that all this overthinking usually takes about six seconds but damn it that six seconds feels like forever.

In love. Well, I am. If I haven't already mentioned that I hope you see that through my actions. You know how movies exaggerate love as time slows down and everything blurs out? It's like that when I see you. I have this sixth sense that every time you arrive, my head snaps in your direction, time becomes non-existent, and everything matters not.
I stand there, staring at you as you walk towards the area, waving your long, luscious hair as you walk, amazed and in awe, wondering if this girl will ever see me as I see her.
In deep emotional state. Only one thought makes me feel this: what if I lose her someday? What if I annoy her so much, she'll leave?
I don't want to think about it. Being the overthinker that I am, I thought of that already, even though I don't want that to happen.

I get it. In life, people come and go. But in my life, people often go. The thought of you disappearing from my life is depressing.
I'm not one to take things slow. But for you, I'll take it as slow as possible. I want to savor every second of every hour with you.
I want to get to know your inner soul. I want to know every bad story and nightmare, every epic legend and daydream that you have.
So what does this have to do with heartbeats? You're my heartbeat.
I want you, the real you, every good and bad piece.
And I'd like nothing more but that.