The Life Of Nancy Reagan

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓶𝔂

"My decision to have a more.. radical surgery was greatly criticized by the public. But truthfully if they even looked at how any other options and their outcomes would've effected me, they would've saw themselves that I made the right choice for myself. I couldn't have possibly lead the life I lead and keep the type of schedule I do if I had to keep going back overtime for chemotherapy treatments. There was no way. Maybe if I was 20, didn't have any children, hadn't been married, I would feel completely different. But for me it was right. I wasn't scared of it. I was simply just doing what was right for me. I had repeatedly apologized to Ronnie for my own feeling of guilt. The hardest part about all of this was the we went ahead with the dinner for the Crown Prince and Princess Of Japan. Even though the doctors had told Ronnie, we didn't really talk about it. I knew if I started to cry, I would never make it through the dinner so we left the topic alone.

The day of the surgery, Ronnie wouldn't let me out of his sight. I know he practically never does, but this time it was different. On the way to the hospital, he held my hand and calmed me down a little bit. Even though I said I wasn't scared, I was just a little bit nervous, and having him there was comforting as always. At the hospital while I was prepping to go in, he refused to let go of my hand, so we held hands for as long as we could, even when I had to change into a hospital gown. When they wheeled me to the operating room, he walked beside me, still holding onto my hand. Now getting in there was a different story. When the nurses were in the midst of doing their preparations for the surgery, I had a last minute talk with Ronnie. I asked him to go back to the White House and carry on with his duties. He didn't need to put much worry on about me because I knew I was gonna be fine.  I knew he wasn't going to listen to me but I still said it anyways. Frankly I didn't want him to leave but of course he couldn't be in there when they started the operation. After a small bit of talking, he started to have a little bit of a break down.

❝ Of course I was so used to going through this situation with him in my place, but it was a true switch of roles. I smiled at him and simply said "Honey, don't start crying, because if you do, I will too.." Right then, he stopped crying and put a smile on his face for me. He refused to leave the room until I was under. So, we had one final talk , he leaned over my bed, and we kissed. As the nurses were waiting for the medication to kick in for me to fall under, Ronnie started to cry again. I just smiled and kept holding onto his hand. "I love you.." was the last thing I remember saying.

Only later would I come to find out that he made it halfway back to the White House before asking the driver to turn around and go back to the hospital. The surgery itself took about three hours to complete. It took me a couple more hours to wake up after that. Once I woke up, I saw a nurse who was in the room monitoring everything. She made sure I was comfy, asking me questions and all. She helped drink some water since I was overcome with thirst but I couldn't lift my left arm because of the side pain from the operation.

Once that was over, she opened the door revealing the secret service agent waiting outside and said "You can inform the president that's she is awake.." Not long after that, Ronnie came eagerly into the room and rushed by my side. His eyes were red and I could tell by the sight of his cheeks that he had been crying a lot. After he kissed me, he kept asking me if I was okay, how I was feeling. I told him I was feeling okay just to calm him down. He didn't like the fact that I looked extremely pail and of course felt weak, but that was normal after a surgery of this kind, especially at my age with highly strong anesthesia at play. But my vitals were fine. He grabbed the chair and pulled it over to my bedside. Instantly reaching for my hand as he said "Honey, I know you don't feel like dancing right now, so we can hold hands in the mean time.." No matter how much pain I was in, Ronnie always had a way to make me smile. And that he did. Stroking my hand with his thumb, he told me that he cried so much that a nurse had to come sit with him to calm him down. Honestly to me, it looked like he was going to cry again. He had rarely ever seen me feel bad and I think it truly did scare him. I told him I couldn't think of how many times I had done the same while he was in the hospital. We talked for a little while longer before I started becoming tired from the anesthetics. When the nurse came in to check on me, I asked for some more water and she grabbed the cup off of the table and was about to help me before Ronnie stopped her. He wanted to do it himself so I let him.

The head of the secret service came in and told Ronnie that he was needed back at the White House. But he didn't want to leave my side. I had to physically tell him over and over again that I would be alright and to go. I think he heard some bad stories about Operation after effects. We said our "I love you's" and then he kissed me goodbye. After that all I remember doing was sleeping. Over the next couple days, I gradually started to feel better. Ronnie came when he could and that was sometimes limited to later on in the evening. He felt so bad about it, but I couldn't stop him from doing his job. He had a nation to run! One of the days he had came surprised me. I had just finished eating up a small lunch and he walked in the door with this giant card and a basket full of treats. He spent a longer time with me after that. He wanted to do everything he could to care for me, even bringing me endless bouquets of roses. I sat up got on the phone to call out for a few thank you's. He had helped me up and couldn't wait for me to get off the phone so he could get a kiss.

The next day, neither of us wanted him to leave so saying goodbyes hurt a little bit. In the middle days of my stay, I finally did work up enough energy, so slow danced to some classic Sinatra tunes over the radio in my room. Towards the end of my stay at the hospital, Ronnie helped me out of bed one day and we took a walk around the hospital. I held onto him the whole time because my balance was a bit off, but we had the most enjoyable time. I didn't want him to leave me then either. The day I finally got to go home was a surprise to Ronnie, because of course he didn't know. He had came to the hospital for his normal visiting hours and a nurse had told him I was asleep. He was talking to some of the doctors while I crept up and hugged him from behind. John, the agent who had been carrying my suitcase walked ahead. Ronnie almost had a heart attack! But he loves it when I hug him from behind, that's why I never stop and I never will. He was so happy and so was I. Going back to the White House, I was showered with a huge welcome home celebration. It was nice to finally be back to where I belonged after excruciatingly long days in the hospital. "