Letters to the Star Whisperer

-76-

She thought that her doctor would be a man, but instead was a woman. She was a tall woman with short brown hair and bangs. She looked like a soccer mom, but the teddy bear tattoo on her ankle stir up her stereotype.

              "Hi, Aspen? You can call me Sherry. It's nice to meet you," the woman shook hands with Aspen. She wasn't pushy about it but Aspen did end up shaking hands.

              "Hi," Aspen felt herself suddenly shy. "Nice to meet you too."

              They sat down, Aspen on the ugly green couch and Sherry in her office chair. She was writing someone, and she wondered what it was. She hadn't said all but six words! Aspen was half expecting to hear, "Yep, you're crazy. People don't just kill themselves you weirdo. Get the shock treatment out of the basement!"

              Instead, Sherry's big fish eyes blinked and she gave a wide smile. "So can you tell me what's going on?"

              Aspen wasn't sure where to start. She just shrugged. "I don't know."

              Sherry just nodded. "Do you want to tell me why you tried to kill yourself?"

              "Well. I don't know why, really. I just. .. felt like it?" she questioned herself. "Ethan came home and we had a fight."

              "Is Ethan your boyfriend?"

              "No!" she said a little too loud, making herself turn red. "I mean, no. He's just a friend. And he's not the reason why I tried. It's just. .. I don't know. I've been holding it all in, and it just overflowed I guess. Like, I was dry for so long and he said, 'Why don't you tell me to jump off a cliff' and I just busted. I couldn't handle it any more. He tried to say sorry but I kicked him out of the house. I couldn't handle it anymore."

              "What was it you couldn't handle anymore?" Sherry asked in a soft voice.

              Aspen shook her head and looked to her shoes. Under her slippers was an odd toe, covered and protected from people with normal toes. "I killed my brother," Aspen whispered. It was as if her breath was a cooler. The room suddenly grew cold.

              "How did you kill your brother?"

              "I don't him to jump off a cliff. I was egging him on."

              Sherry didn't say anything for a while. She asked, "Can you tell me how your brother died?"

              Aspen shrugged, but slowly, the story was dragged out of her. Once it was out, she couldn't stop. She told Sherry all about the week she was in Arkansas with Ethan and how she lied so they could come home early and how she's been faking the flu to get out of work and how she's been drinking nonstop and watching T.V. all day long even though she hated it. She hated watching the happy people on the screen making millions for saying one line while she was sitting on the couch crying and struggling to live.

              By the time she was done talking, they had only five minutes left and Aspen felt red because she didn't realize how long and how much she had been talking. After Sherry was done writing all her notes down, she looked up and gave a therapist smile. "I want you to repeat after me."

              "Okay?"

              "It's not my fault."

              "What?"

              "I need you to keep telling yourself that. Because that's the truth."

              After it ended, Aspen went walked around the ward, feeling like a zombie, lost, confused, and hungry.