Bad Luck (Shannon & Cammie)

Chapter 28

Shannon POV

Cammie had been living in LA with me for about a month. At first it was great. We were both excited to be together and not have to worry about it only lasting a week or so. However, after the initial excitement wore off, something in Cammie seemed to change.

As the first couple weeks passed by, Cammie slowly started losing interest in doing anything and constantly wanted to stay in. It got to the point where she hardly even left the bedroom now, let alone the apartment. When she did, it would normally just be to go on long walks or drives by herself. There were a couple times that she'd gotten herself so worked up that it made her sick. It was clear she wasn't happy, but I was at a complete loss as to what was causing it. It had begun getting in between us more and more, and that is when I realized I had to get to the bottom of it. This wasn't something that was just going to blow over, it needed to be resolved.

"Alex, I don't know what to do. Do you think it's our relationship that is making her like this? Maybe she regrets moving here," I started worriedly questioning. Honestly, at this point it didn't seem so far fetched that Cam was in this state because she realized she made a mistake.

Alex sighed deeply, "Shan, it sounds like she's depressed. You just need to talk to her and be there for her. Figure out what's bothering her without getting frustrated with her," she advised.

As soon as Alex said that, it made complete sense. Before, I wanted to make any other excuse for Cammie's behavior, because I didn't even want to consider that she could be depressed. It wasn't that I didn't want to believe it, it was just that I didn't want to believe that she was having to deal with that. I wanted it to just be her PMSing or something. I wanted it to just go away, but the longer it went on, the clearer it became that this was more that just hormonal mood swings.

I talked with Alex a bit more, and she even helped me do a little research on depression, and how to help people who have it. Later that day I went home to find Cam in her usual spot in our bed. Lately we'd hardly even been talking. We'd been arguing a lot because I was confused as to why she never wanted to do anything, so I just ended up giving her space since I didn't know how to deal with it.

"Hey, Cam," I said, walking into the bedroom and giving her a warm smile.

She looked at me and forced a smile. I could see the hurt behind her eyes. All I could think was, why wouldn't she just talk to me about it? Was she scared of me not being supportive? Or maybe she just didn't know how to talk about it?

I walked over to her side of the bed and sat on the edge of it, leaning down to kiss her forehead. I looked at her for a minute, examining her face. The longer I looked at her, the more I hurt for the way I knew she'd been hurting. "Babe?" I questioned, not even sure of how to start a conversation like this.

"Hm?" She answered.

I sighed and grabbed a chair I had near the bed and pulled it up so I could sit down and talk to her. "Is everything okay? You haven't been acting like yourself lately and I'm worried about you," I said in the most caring way possible, not wanting there to be an overwhelming amount of concern in my voice.

She scanned my face for a moment like she was trying to decide whether to pretend nothing was wrong or to finally let me in. She sighed deeply, the kind of sigh when you're trying to hold back tears. "I really don't know, Shan. I just don't feel right," she finally said.

I grabbed her hand to let her know I was there. "Cammie, you know you can talk to me, right? If there's something specific that's bothering you we can find a way to fix it," I told her.

She rested her head back on the pillow as her eyes pooled with tears. She stared at the ceiling, "that's the thing. I don't know what's wrong. I'm just not happy." I wasn't sure if she was just saying that to avoid telling me what was really wrong, or if that was the truth, but either way it was a start.

I wanted to cry. It hurt seeing her so hurt and not being able to fix it. I reached my hand up and wiped away a tear that had escaped her eyes, but before I could say anything she continued. "And I know me being like this hasn't been good for us, and you don't deserve to have to deal with this," she said, not caring anymore that the tears were pouring from her eyes.

I fought back tears of my own, "oh baby, come here." I said, pulling her up from the bed and holding her in my arms. We hadn't even hugged in weeks because of how distant we'd gotten. "We're a team, Cammie. It isn't about what either one of us deserve, it's about us getting through it together. You aren't alone," I reminded her.

She pulled away and looked at me. This was the closest I'd seen her face in a while. Her eyes were dark and her face looked tired and sick. "You shouldn't have to deal with this. You shouldn't have to come home and deal with your depressed girlfriend every night," she insisted.

I sighed and held tighter onto her. "I'm not leaving you," I asserted. "And you're not a burden to me. I just want my girlfriend back," I said, cracking a smile to try and lighten the mood. I really did just miss her. I missed laughing with her and seeing her smile.

Through the tears in her eyes and pain on her face, she gave me the softest smile that, for once, didn't seem so forced. It seemed a little hopeful and relieved that she didn't have to do this alone anymore.

"I love you," I reminded her, simultaneously realizing I hadn't told her that in a little while.

She tilted her head to rest on the hand I had on her cheek. "I love you, too," she said.

"Come here," I stood up and opened my arms for her to hug me. She stood up out of bed and fell into my arms. I just stood there hugging her for a minute. She may have needed this hug the most, but I think I needed it a little bit, too. It was hard to not get frustrated with the fact that she wasn't herself anymore, and this hug just reminded me that all she needed was a little love and a little push in the right direction, and eventually she'd be herself again.

I couldn't help but hear Peyton's voice in my head telling me that a house isn't a home until you make it one. Maybe she was right. Maybe we needed to make LA a home for Cam. The only problem was, I was at a loss on how to make that happen.

We spent the rest of the night together, unlike recently. I didn't even realize that I had been avoiding her because of the state she was in. At night I would just watch TV or work in the living room while she was in the bedroom. Realizing these things was making me think I had only been making the problem worse by not being there for her.

We were watching a movie while laying in bed. All the lights were off, and we were both struggling to stay awake to finish the movie. As soon as it ended, I clicked the TV off and Cammie rolled over to fall asleep. I wrapped an arm around her, "hey, get over here."

She scooted backwards so that I was spooning her, and I slipped my arm underneath her head. She intertwined our fingers and I hugged her a little tighter to let her know I was there. I knew that when I was feeling down, her being there was therapeutic for me. I could only hope I was doing the same for her.

A few minutes passed and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She suddenly rolled over, my arms still around her, and gently attached our lips. I hugged her and kissed her back. "Thank you," she said when she pulled away.

"You have nothing to thank me for," I opened my eyes to see her looking at me. I could barely see her face in the dark.

"No, I do. You don't have to deal with this, but you are, and I love you for that," she told me.

I kissed her forehead, "I got your back, babe. Whatever you need, I'm here for you."

She nestled her head into my chest and wrapped her arms around me, "you. I just need you."