|aristocrats z.m.|

thirty + four

"My love what troubles you?" Harry asked, drying away my tears with his thumbs. I looked up into his green eyes, realizing how horrible I truly am.

The pain Zayn inflicted on me is the same one I gave to Harry. I wondered in this second, which was worse? To get your heart broken by someone you love or breaking the heart of someone you love?

I shook my head, which hurt, as tears poured out of my eyes. My heart clenched as I rested on Harry's chest, my own heaving up and down. My mind raced at a million miles per hour as I laid there.  I was awoken by a knock at the door.

I got up and nodded, signaling to the interior guards that they may open the golden French doors.

Zayn submerged through the door, red flowers in his hands. I turned to Harry, who was fast asleep, before standing up slowly. My bump hindered my travel towards Zayn, but once I reached the destination my hand was quick to slap his face.

His face was shocked, then relaxed and apologetic once again. We stood in silence. My hand was on my stomach, eyes staring into his. We shared sadness through our glance.

"Say something. Anything." He requested.

"Please." He reiterated, seconds later. I could see him grow impatient and anxious by the clouds of fear forming in his eyes. They were rain clouds, and soon enough water poured.

"How could you." I say clearly, surprised by the clarity in my distraught voice. I thought it would betray me by stumbling and falling. Instead it endured.

"I love you but you are not just. Your judgement is unviable because we are all wrong. Do you think it hurts when I see you with him? And I'm sure it hurts when he sees your with me. You are with Harry and I. We both love you blindly so we play this game despite our pain. We would fall off a cliff thinking you're at the bottom."

"This is not my fault. You're the adulterer."

"We were never specific about our relationship therefore I thought we were polygamous."

"You knew it would hurt me yet you did it."

"And you know that being with Harry hurts me yet you do it. I'm sure it hurts him when you're with me yet here we are. Do not be a hypocrite, we are all wrong here."

"I have done nothing wrong but love my wife. I have always loved her and I always will." Harry says, getting up from his slumber. I frown at his response. He was so genuinely wonderful.

The kind of person you would die for. Harry represents everything good in humanity. Harry is good and good is Harry. They are interchangeable, even synonym like. You cannot know one without knowing the other. Like you cannot know Christ without scripture and scripture without Christ.

"You are wrong for loving her more than you love yourself. You condone her disrespect out of love, which is essentially killing you."

"I never meant to hurt anyone."

"Yet you do. All the damn time and we forgive you because we adore you."

"I do not know what you want me to do. If I could split myself in half I would, but I cannot. I need to make a choice once and for al-"

"Do not finish that sentence." Both Harry and Zayn said at the same time, equally scared of my answer. I look to Harry in confusion.

"I would rather have a little bit than none." Harry explains, sure of my answer.

"I agree with Harry. I never want there to be a possibility of me losing you. If you love me you will not answer that question ever." Zayn said sternly, as if his words were law. Technically, they were.

"I promise I won't, if it will make you high happy." I said, confusion in my voice as I looked between my husband and lover.

Zayn smiled and leaned in for a peck. He left shortly after. Harry then placed his lips on mine, only confusing me more.

"Now do you want to tell me what is bothering you?" He said, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. I nodded, a frustrated half felt smile implanted my face because I was tired. We laid on the bed, bodies intertwined while talking about anything and all our anxieties, hopes, and dreams.