Romance Briefs

Romance Briefs: Online Chronicles - The Novices

My ex is allergic to Fish

The woman was married for 30 years. Two years ago her husband traded her in for a newer model. The newer model wasn't actually a model and he was far from one himself, although he had recently had a face lift, which seemed rather strange for a man, but since he had more loyalty to his fantasies than he had to his spouse, it wasn't all that surprising that he would spiff up his exterior to, perhaps, pay for one last fling before he completely 'crapped out'...or at least that's how she looked at it.

The kids were grown and long out of the house, but still residing within a day's car ride. Here was the thing; she was still interested in having a man. Meeting one that was suitable was not so easy; however, she worked as the business manager for a fashion designer. The company was populated exclusively (other than her) with guys and gals all in their 20's and 30's. The designer was a woman, eligible enough because she was gay and in her 50's, but there was no interest from either her or the designer in changing the nature of their relationship...and besides, the designer was a woman...not that there was anything wrong with that, but you have to go with what nature gives you and her nature was, for some reason, that she still wanted...a man.

Her best friend, a salt of the earth Midwesterner in her 40's, had also been divorced. She had made a steady habit of going on dating sites and meeting men, many of whom she dated and many with whom she just corresponded. One Saturday morning the friend arrived, unexpected, at her front door with two cardboard cups of coffee from a local coffee roaster and a big grin on her Midwestern face.

"We're going to get you into the internet dating world, honey. I won't take no for an answer."

"Well, come in and I hope you remembered to put cream in mine. You know how strong those people make their coffee."

"I did and I will...come in that is." the friend handed a cup to the woman and started immediately to the desk in the kitchen where the laptop resided. "Ok, what's it going to be; Match.com or Plenty of Fish?"

"Plenty of Fish. My Ex was allergic to fish. I want to make sure I avoid any possibility of being in the same world as him."

"Great logic" The friend then logged onto the site and had the woman sit down in front the laptop. "You have to first write a profile...we can load a picture up later."

Without hesitation, the woman wrote; 'Am seeking a man who can make me laugh. No clowns or comedians!' Approaching 60, in good condition and...' this is where she had to think. The friend, reading over her shoulder then dictated '...best friend you could ever have, attractive and pretty funny herself.'

"That's pretty short, but to the point" the friend said. "Here, let me post a picture of you I have on my phone, it's the best". She did and before the woman could protest, she hit 'post'.

The two sat on the porch for a half hour finishing their coffee then the friend abruptly waved goodbye. "I have to meet a man about a horse".

"A horse?"

"Long story...for another time. Let me know when you start getting responses to your profile." She was off.

As she waved goodbye, it hit her that inside her house, in her kitchen, there might be waiting something for her on the computer. And, there was; a response to her picture and profile. She first looked at the picture. Nice looking gent, she thought. Didn't look his age which was posted as 61, but who knows when the picture was taken. She decided to postpone reading his profile in favor of finding out what he wrote in response to her profile.

"Does this mean that you don't laugh at clowns or comedians?" was all he wrote. Being new to this format, she thought it was maybe the common way to start a conversation, so she parried back.