{From Anna's perspective}
'At the end of the day, life is just this big wall of reality that we all crash into.'
In one stroke I lost the person I loved the most: Frida...
People always say: 'you'll get over it.' I'd say it, too, but I know it's not true. Not this time. Not after of having known what real happiness looks like.
And why I lost it all? Fear, yeah, fear trapped me in the closet.
Fear me kept me quiet, I have a voice and I didn't use it, don't be like me, if you love someone you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you know it'll cause problems. You just need to say it loud and whatever it takes, I'll find my voice again, and I'm gonna fill the damn silence I putted between Frida and me.
Wanna know what my happiness looks like? Well, my kind of happiness has freckles and a red hair that makes the sun itself jealous.
When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself whispering, 'Wasn't she what you wanted and why didn't you fight for it?.'
FUCK OFF THE WORLD AND ITS RULES! I'm gonna fight to get her back.
1982. Two days before Xmas. I shouldn't be here, I should be at home with my children but this holiday they'll spend it with Smarty Pants Daddy and his new family. Well, though I'm gonna miss them as hell, this give me a chance to redeem myself and with some luck to have by my side the love of my life when a new year arrives.
Do you guys think I have a plan? I don't, I only have this love that consumes me, only for her, my Frida. It doesn't sound enough, I know, but still, we're in holiday season and there is a reason people can't wait for Xmas, and it has little to do with family reunions, or curling up with a cup of eggnog, or that unexpected kiss beneath a mistletoe, no, people look forward to Xmas, because we know it's a time for miracles.
I did my homework, some little research and found out she would spend it here at London, just with friends, that knowledge gave me a sting of jealousy, what if Frida has found someone else? What if she doesn't love me anymore? Oh god, just to thinking about makes me sick. And you know the worst part? If the answer to those questions are yes, I would be the one to blame.
Lucky me, being Agnetha Fältskog can be good sometimes, and it can open doors, if you know what I mean. I knew Mathew - the right-hand of Phil Collins- Are you follow me, don't you? So, the good and kind Mathew told me where Frida goes to have breakfast every morning. I know what you thinking, but I'm not a creepy here, I just want her back goddammint! When you are in desperate situations, desperate measures are required.
So, there I went, did I mention my English is kinda bad? no? Well, it is, so that was adding to twitch my wrecked nerves.
I didn't see her at once, why Frida had to choose such a crowded place? oh well.
I putted my sunglasses on like some shield to not be recognized, I guess it worked or perhaps people here just don't cared that much about ABBA anymore, old news after all right?
I was starting to panic when a pair of green eyes pierced my soul, they were even greener than yesterday when I saw her.
It's the most perfect field green I've ever seen. Even from this distance her eyes were -still are- simply remarkable.
I took a big breath and walk towards her, its so easy walks towards the light of Frida, so natural.
Of course I wasn't received with a warm welcome.
"What the actual-? Are you stalking me now?"
Ok, that started bad. Play it cool Anna.
"Frida, I know it looks bad, but I just want another chance, I don't want you to love me right back, but at least give me some hope for the future, let me show you how sorry I am... Please"
Ok, that wasn't playing cool but let's hope for the best.
Well, she didn't look angry, that was good, was it? But then, she just looked sad, why am I still hurting her?
"Anna, I'm just tired, of this game, I don't feel in the mood or age to keep going." Was I really losing her?
"Frida, we are not a game" I murmured softly, "You were right, I was a coward, I'm sorry for said that your house wasn't my home, I'm a human being, I make mistakes. I'm flawed, I do stupid things, that's what I do, but the most stupid thing was letting you go, please..." I said as my voice began to catch in my throat, whilst Frida's eyes were growing increasingly watery.
"Anna, I don't -"
"It's always been you Anni-Frid Lyngstad, my home has been right here" I said, pressing a finger against her chest, just above her left breast, over her heart. Frida absentmindedly raised a hand to wipe down a couple tears that had trickled down her face and chin.
"Your heart is the only place that I call home, I cannot be returned." Those words were the most truthful I have ever said.
"Shit Anna, you have no idea how it hurted even to breath, it hurted to live, I hated you for it, and yet, I hate myself more because I don't think I can exist without you and your bloody puppy eyes"
"You- You still love me?' I asked, trembling and utterly vulnerable, as my eyes bore straight into Frida's ice-green ones.
"Oh Anna, of course I do, the truth is, I can't even remember a time when I wasn't in love with you"
A single tear rolled upon my cheek as her words sank in my clouded mind. Frida took my hand. "Let's get out of here, I think we already gave them a show"
I had to laughed at it, "Well, at least it was a hell of a show, wasn't?"
As we got out of there, I couldn't help but noticing how our hands fit perfectly, it began to snow but her warmness transformed that winter into a perpetual summer.
"I think I need to believe that it works." She said suddenly.
"What works?"
"Love. Couplehood. Partnerships. The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I'm going to bed at night, even if I'm going to bed alone." She looked straight into my eyes.
"You don't need to be alone anymore" I said as I squeezed her hand.
Then, in the middle of some English street and without any further word, Frida's lips came to brush mine and the unspoken words we exchanged through that blooming kiss was enough to answer each and every question we still had wanted to ask one another.
Perhaps there was hope after all.
